


The Reverse Falls Fanfic I Was Dying to Write but Couldn’t Come up with a Title For

by Underlander413



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Gen, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pansexual Reverse Gideon hell yeah, Rating May Change, Some I came up with some I got from other places, Soos is a universal constant that’s just a fact, There will be romantic relationships but they’re all either small or spoilers, i have ideas, please comment
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2020-08-13 13:04:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20174731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Underlander413/pseuds/Underlander413
Summary: Fourteen year olds Pacifica Southeast, a hippie girl from California, and Gideon McGucket, an excitable boy from Tennessee, are both sent up to Gravity Falls, Oregon, to spend the summer with their grandpa, Fiddleford McGucket, in his tourist trap, The Mystery Shack. The two meet many people, and uncover many secrets as well, but two questions in particular seem bigger than any others: who wrote the journal Pacifica found in the woods, and what is the Gleeful family hiding?





	1. Tourist Trapped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There might be some mistakes in here, but grammar is fake, and sometimes “says” just looks better than “said”. Maybe it’s right, maybe it’s not, but you have to deal with it either way. It’s pretty late, though, so if there are any major errors (specifically towards the end), I’ll fix them tommorow. Anyways, I really hope you like it, and remember, seeing the number of comments go up adds five years to my lifespan! 
> 
> Alright, it’s tomorrow, and I made a few corrections, as well as added a couple things to the part where Gideon is getting ready for his date. Nothing much, but it’s there if you wanna see it.

Pacifica had only been in Gravity Falls for three days, but she could say, with complete confidence, that the people who lived here were the dumbest people she had ever met, even when compared to her neighbor back home, who she had never seen not stoned out of his mind. They were just _that_ stupid. When her grandfather showed them a taxidermy deer head glued to a sculpture of a duck’s body, it was “the most amazing thing they’d ever seen.” When Pacifica showed them a giant footprint in the woods, she was “off her rocker.” This was not really what she expected when her parents told her she was going to stay with her grandfather for the summer. 

Pacifica was a fourteen year old girl from California. She was the child of Preston and Priscilla Southeast, a pair of hippies like herself. Her mother had lived in California her whole life, but her father had been raised in a town called Gravity Falls, Oregon, by his adoptive father, Fiddleford McGucket. He had lived in California since his college days, but the town he grew up in had always held a special place in his heart, and he decided that it was time for Pacifica to spend some time there, as well as get to know her Grandpa Fidds. He also told her that the town had “a lot of something she was interested in.” She had assumed he meant nature, which it did have a lot of, but now she knew what he really meant.

The paranormal. 

Pacifica had always been fascinated by the supernatural, the anomalous, the strange, and it was a hobby her father had always encouraged. She used to think it was kind of weird, as most people his age she met thought that the paranormal didn’t exist. She knew now, though, that the reason her father believed just as firmly as her was because he grew up surrounded by it. 

The rest of the townsfolk, many of which had been surrounded by the paranormal just as long as her father, if not longer, were not firm believers like he was, with the exception of a select few. There was Soos, the handyman in her grandpa’s shop, who had told her that he thought the mailman was a werewolf (and, in all honesty, so did she after Soos pointed him out to her). Robbie, the seventeen year old cashier for The Mystery Shack, who told her about a creature known as “The Hide Behind” that was apparently responsible for the strange, small gusts of wind she felt whenever she took a walk. Then there was Gideon. 

Gideon wasn’t actually one of the townsfolk, but a boy who, like her, was staying in Gravity Falls for the summer. He was also her cousin. Much like her father, his dad, her Uncle Bud, had been adopted by their Grandpa Fidds. Uncle Bud had eventually moved to Tennessee, got married, and had Gideon. Pacifica had met Gideon a few times before, but their parents decided that, along with getting to know their grandpa, they should also spend the summer getting to know their “twin cousin”, as their parents put it. By complete coincidence, Pacifica and Gideon had been born on the same day, five minutes apart, while Gideon’s parents were visiting Pacifica’s. Thus, their parents had been calling them “twin cousins” ever since they were born. 

Gideon, like Pacifica, realized what a strange town Gravity Falls was. However, he didn’t seem to care as much as she did, which baffled her. If there was one thing stranger than people who had been surrounded by monsters all their life denying the existence of monsters, it was someone who didn’t grow up surrounded by monsters not freaking out when they were suddenly surrounded by monsters. Gideon was, of all things, more interested in romance. 

_Romance._

His goal was apparently to have a “big summer romance”. He had been here just as long as she had, three days, and had already managed to flirt with ten people. _Ten people._ Wait a second, no. He was staring at a girl from behind the bobbleheads right now, within the next few minutes, it would be eleven people. Pacifica walked over to him. 

“She’s reading it, she’s reading it!” he whispered to himself excitedly. Pacifica looked over to the girl, who was now holding a piece of paper that had been folded up. The girl let it unfold and read it aloud. 

“‘Do you like me? Yes, Definitely, Absolutely’?” She looked more confused than anything, and looked around. 

“I rigged it,” Gideon said, clearly pleased with himself, and Pacifica decided to make her presence known. She cleared her throat, and Gideon shot up, accidentally knocking over one of the bobbleheads with his hat, which fell off as well. 

“Do you really think this is gonna work?” Pacifica asked, as Gideon picked the bobblehead back up and put his hat, which was green with a dark green star on the front, back on. 

“Um, of course it is,” Gideon said confidently. He paused for a moment, then asked “What are you talking about exactly?” Pacifica groaned. 

“This whole ‘summer romance’ thing. You’ve tried and failed eleven times already.” 

“Oh, that! Of course it’s gonna work!” Gideon said. “I’m pansexual, Paz. That means that, within our age range, nobody is safe from my charms! Well, other than you, of course, but that’s not the point! I’ll find someone eventually, just you wait!” 

“Uh-huh,” Pacifica said sarcastically. 

“You need to have more faith in your twin cousin, Paz,” Gideon said, unbothered by her sarcasm. “My soulmate could walk into the room right now!” 

As if on cue, their grandpa walked in, and Pacifica laughed as Gideon gagged. 

“How are you two doin’?” their grandpa asked. 

“I’m good!” Gideon answered. Pacifica just shrugged. 

“What, somethin’ wrong, Pazzy?” Grandpa Fidds asked, tilting his head and raising an eyebrow. 

“This town is weird, Grandpa,” Pacifica said, holding up her arm. “Yesterday I got a bunch of mosquito bites that spell out ‘BEWARE’. 

Her grandpa squinted. “That says ‘BEWARB’.” 

Pacifica put her arm down. “Okay, but don’t you think that the fact that they spelled out recognizable letters at all means something?” she asked her grandpa. 

He thought for a moment. “Nah! Monsters are just things that are made up so I can get more business!” he said. Pacifica sighed. 

“You know what? I’m gonna go on a walk in the woods. I’ll see you guys later,” she said, walking towards the door as her cousin, grandpa, Soos, and Robbie all said some variation of “see ya later” or “have a nice time”. 

——— 

Pacifica had been walking for about thirty minutes before she stopped. _I know there’s something weird about this town, _ she thought. _I know, Gideon knows, Soos and Robbie both know, even dad knows! So why can’t Grandpa Fidds see it?_ She sighs and leans back against a tree, but jumps as soon as her back hits it. “What the?” Why was this tree so cold?

Pacifica looked at the part of the tree her back touched, then dragged two fingers across it. When she looked at the pads of them, they were covered in something. 

_There’s dust on this tree, like indoor dust. But... how?_ she wondered. She felt around where the dust ended and found the end of a panel. Pulling it open, she finds a small machine with a pair of switches on it. She flips one a few times; nothing. She tries the other one, and she hears something mechanical behind her, along with the bleat of a goat as it runs off. She turned around to see that a compartment in the forest floor has opened. She approached it cautiously, afraid that something might jump out. She reached it without incident and got on her knees. Peering inside, she sees an old, dusty book. She reached in and grabbed it, blowing the dust off of it. 

The book was mostly dark red, maroon in color, but some of the spine, as well as the corners, were gold. There was also a gold, six fingered hand in the center of the front, with a black “3” drawn on it. The cover was torn in places, mostly around the edges. Pacifica looked around, then opened the book. 

“‘It’s hard to believe it’s been six years since I began studying the strange and wondrous secrets of Gravity Falls, Oregon...’” she read. She flipped through the pages, each full of strange things. She took a shaky breath. “Oh my god...” She stopped on another page. “‘Unfortunately, my suspicions have been confirmed. I’m being watched. I must hide this book before _he_ finds it. Remember - in Gravity Falls, there is no one you can trust...’” Pacifica closed the book. “No one you can trust...” she mumbled. 

“HELLO!” someone screamed behind her, and she jumped and turned around. It was Gideon. “Oooh, is that some kind of hippie nerd thing?” he asked. 

“What? No, it’s, uh- wait a second. What are you doing out here?” She asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Oh, I was walking Gompers!” he says, and the goat puts it’s front hooves on the log separating the two cousins, raising it’s head so Pacifica could see it. 

“You were walking... the goat?” she asks. 

“Yeah! He got lost for a minute but then he bleated really loudly, so I found him!” Gideon said. “Anyway, back to my question! Where’d ya get that hippie nerd book?” 

“It’s not a- what would a ‘hippie nerd book’ even look like?” she asks, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

“Like that!” he says, pointing at the book. 

Pacifica sighs. “No, it’s not a ‘hippie nerd book.’” 

“Well then whaaaaat isssssss ittttttt?” the boy asks, swinging his head to the side with each drawn out word. 

She looks around. “Let’s... talk back at the shack.” 

——— 

“...And it’s filled with all kinds of different crazy things that the author found here in Gravity Falls!” Pacifica said as she paced back and forth. 

“Woah, that’s crazy!” Gideon said, bouncing up in down in his seat. “So do ya’ think the author had six fingers on each hand?” 

Pacifica looked at the hand on the cover. “Yeah, I guess they did, or they at least knew someone who did. How and why else would they have made this handprint?” 

He nodded. “I wish I had six fingers on each hand! Then I could hold more pieces of popcorn at once!” 

She opened her mouth to say something else, but was interrupted by the doorbell. Gideon shot up. “He’s here!” he said. 

“Huh? Who’s here?” 

“Guess it’s time to spill the beans!” Gideon said, knocking over a can of beans on the table next to him and giggling. “I got a date!” 

“Wait, wait, wait, I wasn’t even gone for an hour, and you were walking Gompers, for some reason,” Pacifica says, mumbling the last part to herself. “How’d you manage to find a date in that time?” 

“I met him on the walk! Guess he fell victim to my natural charms!” he said, pointing at himself with his thumbs as he said ‘natural charms’. He ran off to get the door, and Pacifica took his place in the chair, looking at a few pictures in the journal. 

“Watcha’ readin’ there Pazzy?” Grandpa Fidds asks as he enters the room. She shoved the book behind her and, panicking, grabbed something random from the table next to her. 

“Oh, just... Inventions for Farmers magazine?” she said, the last part sounding more like a question. 

He looked down and nodded. “That one’s a good issue.” 

“Guys, I’d like you to meet my new boyfriend!” Gideon said from the doorframe before a second person stood beside him. 

“‘Sup?” the second person, a very pale boy in a black hoodie with brown hair covering one eye, said. 

“Hello.” 

“Hey there.” 

“We met right outside of the cemetery,” Gideon told his family. “He’s really deep. Oh, got a bit of muscle there, huh?” he said, squeezing the boy’s arm. 

“Um, what’s your name?” Pacifica asks the boy. 

“Normal... Man!” he half says, half grunts. 

“He means Norman,” Gideon sighs. 

“What’s that on your face there, Norman?” Pacifica asked, pointing at a red substance dripping down his cheek. 

“It’s... jam” Norman says. Gideon gasps. 

“I love jam!” he said. 

“You wanna go... eat jam and... hold hands?” Norman asked. 

“Oh! Oh my!” Gideon says giggling, as if Norman hadn’t just suggested the least scandalous couple’s activity in existence. “You bet I do!” he turned back to his family. “Don’t wait up!” he said, then runs off. Norman follows, running into the doorway multiple time. 

_Okay, there’s something wrong with that guy,_ Pacifica thinks as her grandpa becomes engrossed in the magazine. She goes upstairs, to a room that’s nearly empty, and sits on a small couch next to the window. Taking out the journal, she flipped through the pages until she lands on one in particular.

Pacifica read aloud. “‘Known for their pale skin and bad attitudes, these creatures are often mistaken for... teenagers! Beware Gravity Falls’ nefarious...’” She gasped “‘Zombies!?’” 

Pacifica looked out the window to see her cousin sitting on top of a table as Norman approached him. Even though Gideon couldn’t hear her, she screamed at him to get away. Finally, Norman reached him, and... 

...Gave him a daisy necklace? 

She couldn’t hear him, but Gideon seemed to be giggling. Pacifica stood up. 

“Is Gideon dating a zombie, or is this town just getting to me, or...” she said. 

“It’s a dilemma to be sure,” she heard, and she jumped before realizing Soos had entered the room to change the lightbulb at some point. “I couldn’t help but overhear you talking aloud to yourself in this empty room.” 

“Soos! You’ve seen Gideon’s boyfriend. He’s, like, gotta be a zombie, yeah?” Pacifica asked. 

“Well, how many brains did you see the guy eat?” 

“None...” 

“I mean, I believe you. You and I both know this town is weird,” Soos said, nodding. “But it’s still probably best to get some proof. Just in case, ya know?”

Pacifica nodded “Yeah, you know what? That’s a good idea. You’re smarter than people give you credit for, Soos.” 

He nodded. “It is both a blessing, and a curse.” 

“Soos!” Grandpa Fidds yelled from downstairs. “The portable toilets are clogged again!” 

“I am needed elsewhere,” Soos said before backing out of the room. 

Pacifica went to the attic and grabbed a video camera out of her bag, then walked back into The Mystery Shack. She saw Robbie sitting at the counter and walked up to him. 

“Hey, Robbie,” she said. 

“Hey, dude. Need something?” he asked, setting the magazine he was reading down. 

“Well, I was just talking to Soos about something, and since you’re here, I thought it might be a good idea to get a third opinion,” she answered. 

“Shoot.” 

“Have you met Gideon’s new boyfriend?” Pacifica asked. 

“Norman?” 

Pacifica nodded. “Do you think there’s anything... strange about him?” 

“Oh, definitely,” Robbie said, nodding. “Gideon said they met outside the cemetery, but my friend Wendy lives there, and I’ve never seen the dude around before. I guess he could be a tourist or something, but a cemetery doesn’t really seem like an ideal tourist spot, no matter how emo you are.” 

“So, do you think he might be, say... a zombie?” Pacifica asked. 

“Honestly, it wouldn’t surprise me,” Robbie said. “Even if he isn’t, I doubt he’s human.” 

Pacifica nodded. “Thanks, Robbie,” she said, heading to the door. 

“Anytime.” 

——— 

Pacifica had followed Gideon and Norman for hours, and, reviewing the videos she had taken the next day, she thought it was undeniable that her theory was true. She decided to tell Gideon the truth about his boyfriend. 

Pacifica ran into the attic, where she found Gideon without his vest on, staring at the mirror. He turned around as she entered the room. 

“Hey Paz, look what Norman did!” he said, pointing towards a large red mark on his cheek. She screamed, then Gideon giggled. 

“Nah, I’m just kidding! I got this when I tried to use the leaf blower for kissing practice,” he explained, and Pacifica sighed in relief. 

“Gideon, there’s something you need to know about Norman. I don’t think he’s human,” she told her cousin. He gasped. 

“You think he might be a vampire?” he asked. Pacifica shook her head. “Ooh, then you think he’s, like, a werewolf?” Pacifica shook her head again and opened her mouth to speak, but Gideon cut her off. “An elf!?” 

“Wha- no! Gideon, I think he’s a...” she open the journal and showed it to Gideon. His face scrunched up. 

“You think he’s a gnome?” he asked. Pacifica looked at the page and realized she had open the journal to the wrong one. She turned the pages again and showed it to him once more. 

“A zombie? Really? I kinda doubt that.” 

“I have proof!” Pacifica said, reaching for her camera, but Gideon spoke up again. 

“I don’t care about whatever blurry picture you have! I’m going on a date!” he said, and he took off his hat, pulled his shirt off, put a sparkly, purple shirt with a cat on the front on, placed his cap back on his head, and pulled his vest on. The doorbell rang, and he ran downstairs. Pacifica followed him. 

“Hey, Norman, how do I look?” Gideon asked, showing off his shirt. 

“Shiny!” Norman grunted. 

“Aww, thank you! Well, what are we waiting for?” Gideon asked. He reached out to take Norman’s hand, and the two walked off towards the forest. Pacifica sighed, sitting down in the living room chair, video camera in hand. 

_Maybe I am just paranoid,_ she thought. _I mean he’s weird, yeah, but there’s no proof he _ WAIT! she rewound the footage to see Norman’s hand fall off while Gideon wasn’t looking. _I was right, I was right, I was _right! _But that means- oh my god, Gideon!_

Pacifica ran outside, around to the front of The Mystery Shack, and tried to get Grandpa Fidds’ attention. “Grandpa Fidds! Grandpa Fidds!” 

“And here we have ‘Rock That Looks like a Face Rock’. The rock that looks like a face.” 

“Does it look like a rock?” 

“No, it looks like a face.” 

“Grandpa Fidds!” 

“Is it a face?” 

“No, it- what is wrong with you people?” 

Pacifica gave up on trying to get her grandpa’s attention and instead ran over to Robbie, who had just pulled up in the golf cart. 

“Robbie, I need to borrow the golf cart so I can save my cousin from a zombie!” she said, waving her arms around. 

Robbie dropped the key in her hand. “Try not to hit any pedestrians!” he instructed, walking off. 

Pacifica started up the golf cart and started to pull out when she saw Soos. She stopped. 

“Dude it’s me. Soos,” he said, handing her a shovel. “This is for the zombies.” 

“Thanks.” 

Soos handed her a baseball bat. “And this is in case you see a piñata.” 

“Thanks.” 

She drove the cart away from the shack. “Better safe than sorry!” Soos yelled after her. 

——— 

“So, now that we’ve gotten to know each other, there’s something I should tell you,” Norman said. 

“Oh Norman, you can tell me anything!” Gideon said. _Be something cool! Be something cool!_ he thought.

“Alright just- just don’t freak out okay?” Norman said. “Just- just keep an open mind. Be cool!” he unzipped his hoodie, and Gideon’s eyes widened. 

“Norman” turned out to be five gnomes in a hoodie, with one on top of another forming each “leg”, and one standing with one foot on each of the top two as the “head”. 

“Is this weird? Is this too weird? You need to sit down?” asked the top gnome. 

Gideon just gaped at them. 

“R-r-right, I’ll explain. So! We're gnomes! First off. Get that one outta the way.” 

“Uh...” 

“I’m Jeff, and here we have Carson, Steve, Jason, and...” Jeff paused. “I’m sorry, I always forget your name.” 

“Shmebulock.” 

Jeff snaps. “Shmebulock! Yes! Anyway, the point is, we gnomes need someone to... guide us, so to speak. Basically, we’re looking for a new king, and ‘Norman’ was our way of scouting you, pretty much.” 

“Wait,” Gideon said, frowning. “I thought I had finally gotten a boyfriend, but you just... wanted me to be your ‘gnome king’ or whatever?” 

“Yeah, pretty much,” Jeff said, and the other gnomes made sounds of affirmation. “So, what’d ya say?” 

“I just... wanted a boyfriend, not... this!” said Gideon, making wild gestures with his hands. 

“We can get married if you want,” Jeff offered. 

“Married!? I’m fourteen!” 

“Sooooo... is that a no?” 

“Of course it’s a no!” 

Jeff sighed. “Alright, boys, lets get him.” 

“Wait, wha-!” 

———

Pacifica drove through the woods as fast as the golf cart will allow. Suddenly, she heard her cousin. 

“Help!” Gideon voice could be heard shouting. “Paz, Grandpa, anyone, help!” 

“I’m coming Gideon!” Pacifica shouted. She followed the sound of his voice until she reached a clearing. She stopped the cart and got out to see Gideon... being tied to a wooden throne by gnomes? 

“What in the world is going on?” Pacifica asked. 

“Paz! Norman turned out to be a bunch of gnomes, and they’re the worst!” Gideon yelled. 

“Gnomes? That’s... kinda ironic, actually,” Pacifica said. She took out the journal and flipped to the page she had accidentally shown Gideon earlier that day. “‘Gnomes: little men of the Gravity Falls Forest. Weaknesses: unknown.’” Pacifica reads before lowering the book. 

“I hate this!” Gideon yells. 

“Hey, let go of my cousin!” 

“Oh, uh, hey! I think this is just a misunderstanding. Your cousin isn’t in any danger, he’s just going to become our gnome king for all eternity, and maybe marry all of us? Jury’s still out on that one,” Jeff said. 

“I hate all of you!” Gideon yelled. 

Pacifica takes the shovel out of the cart and points it at Jeff. “Give him back right now or else!” 

“You think you can stop us, girl? You have no idea what we’re capable of. The gnomes are a powerful race! Do not trifle with the-!” 

Jeff’s rant is abruptly cut off by Pacifica scooping him up with the shovel and tossing him away as he screamed. Pacifica then uses the shovel to cut away the ropes tying Gideon down, and the two run back to the golf cart. As soon as they’re both sitting down, Pacifica drives away. 

“You’ve messed with the wrong creatures, girl!” Jeff says. “Gnomes of the forest: ASSEMBLE! 

“Go, go, go! We can’t let them catch up to us!” Gideon said. 

“On those little legs? How could they possibly catch up to us?” Pacifica asked. Gideon turned around and his eyes widened. 

“Like that!” he said, pointing at something behind them. Pacifica turned around and saw a giant gnome made of all the gnome stacked on top of each other. Jeff stood at the top. 

“GOOOO!!!” Gideon screamed, and Pacifica hit the gas just in time to avoid getting crushed by the gnome giant. 

“Get back here!” Jeff demanded as the gnome giant started to run after the cart. 

The giant launched several gnomes onto the cart. One hung of the side of the roof, and Gideon elbowed it. Schembulock jumps up behind Pacifica, and she took him and slammed him into the steering wheel before throwing him out of the cart. While she’s disctrated, another gnome jumps onto her face and claws at her. 

“I’ll save you Paz!” Gideon screams, taking off his hat. He swats at the gnome with it, shoving him off the cart entirely, but he takes Gideon’s hat with him. 

“Thanks!” 

“No problem!” 

Suddenly, the giant picks up a tree and throws it in their path. The cart manages to fit beneath a small opening, but the cousins scream as they lose control of the cart, which eventually lands on its side next to The Mystery Shack. The two teens crawl out, groaning in pain. 

The giant approaches and Pacifica scrambles to her feet. “Go away!” she screams, throwing the shovel at it. It bats it away as if it were a pillow. “Should’ve known that wouldn’t work...” Pacifica mumbles as Gideon stands up. The two held on to each other. 

“Where’s Grandpa Fidds!?” Gideon asked. 

“I don’t know!” Pacifica replied. 

“End of the line, you two! Either Gideon comes back with us, or he’s gonna wish he did!” Jeff yelled. 

Gideon took a deep breath. “Fine.” 

“What!?” Pacifica asked. 

“Paz, just trust me,” Gideon whispered. He turned back to the gnomes. 

“But! I want the wedding first. I know you have a ring, so come over here and give it to me!” he demanded. 

“Okay,” Jeff said, shrugging. He climbed down the gnome giant and walked over to Gideon, a box in hand. He opened it to reveal a ring, which he then slid on to Gideon’s finger. “Alright, then, let’s go on back to-” 

“You may now kiss the groom,” Gideon said. Jeff looked back at him and shrugged once more. 

“Alright, why not?” he said, moving towards Gideon. 

Gideon, on the other hand, waited for the perfect moment, then grabbed the leaf blower behind him, turning it on and aiming it at Jeff. 

“Ah! Hey, hey, wait a minute! Whoa, whoa! Wh-what’s going on!?” Jeff screamed before getting sucked into the leaf blower. 

“That’s for lying to me!” Gideon yelled before turning up the power, causing Jeff to get sucked in further. “THAT’S for breaking my heart!” 

“Ow! My face!” Jeff screamed. 

“And THIS is for messing with my cousin!” Gideon aims the leaf blower, then looks to Pacifica. “Wanna do the honors?” 

“On three!” she says. 

“One, two, three!” they say in unison, and Jeff gets blasted right through the gnome giant. He yells something, but the cousins don’t listen, half due to not caring and half due to being busy chasing the remaining gnomes away. When they’re all gone, Gideon turns to Pacifica. 

“I’m sorry for not listening to you,” he apologized. 

“Nah, it’s alright. Besides, you saved us!” Pacifica replies. Gideon hums, looking down. 

“Guess I’m just upset my first ever date turned out to be a bunch of gnomes,” he said. 

“Hey, look on the brightside. If date number one was gnomes, then date number two could be a vampire, werewolf, and/or elf.” 

“Yeah, you’re right!” Gideon says, smiling and holding out his arms. “Semi-awkward cousin hug?” Pacifica held her arms out as well. 

“Semi-awkward cousin hug.” 

They embraced silently for a second, then they pat each other’s back’s, saying “Pat, pat.” They then let go of each other and walked inside. Grandpa Fidds saw them and whistled. 

“What in the world happened ta you two?” he asked. The cousins just looked at each other, then made to walk away, but their grandpa stopped them. 

“Hey, how’s about you two take one of anything in the shop ya want fer free?” he offered. 

“Really?” Pacifica asked. 

“Really really,” Grandpa Fidds said, and the two cousins started to look around. 

Gideon walked up to a shelf with hats on it. Their structure was similar to the one he’d just lost, but the bill and back were light blue, the front was mostly white, and in the middle of the white was a light blue shooting star. He took one and put it on his head, smiling. 

Pacifica, on the other hand, had found a grappling hook, and immediately got stuck hanging from the ceiling. It was an easy choice for both children. 

——— 

The cousins were in the attic, Pacifica laying on her bed, Gideon jumping on his. Pacifica had the journal out, and was writing in it. 

_The journal told me there was no one in Gravity Falls I could trust. But when you battle a hundred gnomes side-by-side with someone, you realize that they’ve probably always got your back._

“Hey, can you turn off the lantern?” Gideon asked. 

“I’ll do you one better,” Pacifica replied, picking up her new grappling hook. She aimed it at the lantern and fired, breaking it and their window instantly. The two laughed and settled into bed before drifting off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jlghrq, wkh (suredeob iljxuhkhdg) nlqj ri wkh jqrphv. Klv uhljq odvwhg whq vhfrqgv.


	2. Legend of the Gobblewonker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things about the cousins and their grandpa’s appearances. 
> 
> Pacifica wears a white shirt with a large, green pine tree in the middle. Over it, she wears a brown jacket with tassels on the sleeves, and she keeps the journal inside. She also wears faded jean shorts that stop just above her knees, a green hippie headband, and white tennis shoes, although she prefers to go barefoot while she’s at home, and she has braces. She has green eyes with dark brown near the pupils. 
> 
> Gideon dresses a lot like canon Dipper, but his hat is the shooting star one he gets in the first chapter, his vest is light blue, and he wears a different shirt everyday, like how canon Mabel wears different sweaters. His eyes are light blue. 
> 
> Grandpa Fidds looks more like canon McGucket did in the memories in “Society of the Blind Eye” than he did as a crazy old man, but his hair’s gone gray. He dresses like canon Stan for the most part, but he doesn’t have a fez. His eyes are light brown. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, and please leave a comment! 
> 
> P.S. Sorry this took so long, so far I’ve typed this whole fanfiction on my phone.

“Are you ready for the ultimate challenge?” Gideon asked, holding up a bottle of syrup. 

“Oh, you better believe I am,” Pacifica answerd, holding her own syrup bottle. 

“Three, two, one, go!” the two say in unison, holding their bottles above their faces. 

“Go Sir Syrup!” Gideon cheers. 

“Go Mountie Man!” Pacifica cheers. 

A drop of syrup lands onto Gideon’s tongue a moment before one reaches Pacifica’s. 

“Yes! I am the syrup champion!” he exclaimed before coughing. “That, that went down wrong! Worth it, though!” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Pacifica said, rolling her eyes, but she was smiling. She picked up the newspaper that was on the table and her eyes brightened. “Hey, Gideon, look at this!” she said, showing him the newspaper. 

“A human-sized hamster ball!? I’m human-sized!” he said. 

“No, not that!” Pacifica said, pointing to the other page, which was advertising a monster photo contest. It had a picture of last month’s winner and the photo he had taken of a friendly looking monster. She pointed to the monster photo. “We’ve seen weirder stuff than this thing every day we’ve been here, and it hasn’t even been a week, so who knows how many other, weirder things are waiting to be found! Actually, did we get any pictures of those gnomes?” 

“Nope, just memories! And the ring they gave me,” Gideon told her. 

“Wait, you kept that?” Pacifica asked. Gideon shrugged. 

“Yeah, the gnomes were jerks, and I’m pretty sure the ring’s basically worthless, but hey! Who am I to reject a pretty rock?” he asked. 

Pacifica nodded. “Fair point.” 

Just then, their grandpa walked into the room. “You two know what day it is?” he asked them. 

Pacifica thought for a moment. “No, not really.” 

“Nu-uh,” Gideon said, shaking his head. 

“Well, then I reckon’ it’ll be a surprise!” Grandpa Fidds decided. “Now, get in the car an’ close yer eyes! I’ll be out in just a minute.” 

The cousins looked at each other for a moment. They could somehow tell that they were about to have a strange day. 

——— 

“Alright, you can open yer eyes now!” Grandpa Fidds said. When the cousins did, they saw that they were at... a lake? 

There were a lot of people in boats on the lake. Most of them seemed to be fishing (provided that term was used as loosely as possible). There was one guy who was simply chanting “Get ‘em! get ‘em!” as he watched Manly Dan, Robbie’s dad, punch a fish while Robbie’ brothers cheered. 

“It’s fishin’ season! Here, I made ya these!” Grandpa Fidds says, giving both kids a fishing hat. 

Pacifica’s hat had “qAZZY” stitched on it. No, wait, it was supposed to say “PAZZY”, but the “P” was backwards. The letters were the same shade of green as the pine tree on her shirt and the headband she always wore. Gideon’s had “GIDDY” stitched on it, or at least it did until the second “D” fell off. The letters were the same shade of blue as most of his hat and vest.

“It’s gonna be you, me, an’ those hats on a boat for ten hours!” their grandpa told them. 

“Ten hours!?” Pacifica said. She didn’t even eat fish! 

“There has to be a way out of this,” Gideon muttered so only she could hear. 

“Come on, let’s go!” Grandpa Fidds said, heading towards the lake. The cousins hesitated for a moment, frowning at each other, then followed. 

They reached a boat at the dock and watched as their grandpa placed some gear into it and struggled to untie it. He was mumbling something about how he “probably shouldn’t tie knots in the dark next time”. While he was doing that, a man walked up to Pacifica and Gideon. 

“Hey there you two. Hey there, Dad,” they heard, and they turned around. 

“Uncle Tate!” they both said. Their Uncle Tate was the oldest of their Grandpa Fidds’ three sons, and the only one that wasn’t adopted. 

“What are you doing here?” Pacifica asked him. 

“I work here!” he answered. “What about you two?” 

“I’m takin’ these two fishin’!” Grandpa Fidds said. Uncle Tate turned to him. 

“Ah, that makes sense. Hey, maybe the three of ya will catch a glimpse of the legendary Gobblewonker,” he said. 

“What’s a Gobblewonker? It sounds silly!” Gideon said, and their uncle turned back to them. 

“Ya mean you haven’t heard of the Gobblewonker? It’s a monster said to reside in this here lake, near Scuttlebutt Island,” he informed them, smiling. 

“You mean like the Loch Ness monster?” Pacifica asked. 

“Exactly!” 

“Oh, don’t fill their heads with ideas of some lake monster,” said Grandpa Fidds. “We’re here to fish!” 

“Alright, alright,” Uncle Tate said, holding up both hands, still smiling. He started to walk away. “I got things to do, anyhow. See y’all later!” 

Pacifica turned to her cousin. “Gideon, if we can get a photo of that monster, we can enter it in the photo contest and split the fifty-fifty! Imagine what you could do with five hundred dollars!” 

Gideon gasped, then started to think. 

———

_Gideon stood inside a large, pink hamster ball back at the shack. On the counter in front of him there was a hamster ball inside of a regulary sized pink hamster ball. “Not so high and mighty now, are ya?” he bragged. The hamster looked down in shame. Gideon laughed, than crashed through the wall. _

_He rolled up on the sidewalk near a convertible filled with teens. “Hey there girls, guys, and otherwise! You can look, but you can’t touch,” he said, and the teens all looked at him, pulling down their shades. The stoplight turned green, and he rolled away. “Squeak squeak squeak squeak!” _

_The teens’ shades fell off of their awed faces, and they looked at each other. “Awesome!” they all said._

———

Pacifica snapped in front of Gideon’s face. “Gideon? You alright?” she asked, concerned. His eyes became focused again. 

“Paz, I am a million percent on board with this!” he said, and Pacifica grinned. 

“So, Grandpa Fidds, change of plans!” she said. “Instead of fishing, let’s go to Scuttlebutt Island and find the Gobblewonker!” 

“Monster hunt! Monster hunt!” the cousins chanted. Just then, a honking sound was heard, and a boat pulled up. 

“You dudes says somethin’ about a monster hunt?” Soos asked, standing on the new boat. 

“Soos!” Gideon said. 

“Wassup hambone?” Soos asked, and he and Gideon fist bumped, making explosion sounds. “Dude, you could totally use my boat for your hunt! It’s got a steering wheel, chairs; normal boat stuff.” 

Pacifica bounced up and down on her feet in excitement. “Can we go with Soos, Grandpa Fidds? Please?” 

“I mean, if that’s what the two of ya really want, sure ya can, I don’t mind,” Grandpa Fidds said, looking down. He started to say something else, but was cut of by the sound of Soos’ boat, the S.S. _Cool Dude_, driving away as his grandchildren cheered. He frowned.

Pacifica put one foot on the ship’s railing. “Hoist the anchor!” she said, and Soos pulled a cinder block attached to a chain from the water. “Raise the flag!” she continued, and Gideon held up a beach towel. 

“We’re gonna find that Gobblewonker!” Gideon said. 

“We’re gonna win that photo contest!” Pacifica said. 

“Do any of you dudes have sunscreen?” Soos asked. 

Pacifica hesitated for a moment, then said, “We’re gonna go get sunscreen!” Everyone cheered as the ship turned around. 

——— 

“Alright, we’re gonna win this contest, but we’ve gotta make sure we avoid the number one monster hunt problem. Do either of you know what that is?” Pacifica asked. 

“You’re a side character, then you die within the first five minutes of the movie,” Soos said, then looked alarmed. “Dude am I a side character!? Do you ever think about stuff like that?” 

“You? A side character? Never,” Gideon assured him. 

“No, guys, camera trouble,” Pacifica said. “Say you’re looking for Bigfoot. Soos, pretend to be Bigfoot for a second.” 

Soos pulled the classic Bigfoot pose, and Pacifica pointed at him. 

“Oh look, Bigfoot! Where’s my camera?” she asked, patting her life vest, then pulled a disposable camera out. “Here it is, but there’s no film!” she put the camera back into her life vest. “You guys see what I mean?” 

They both nodded, and Soos said, “Dude’s got a point.” 

“So, to avoid that problem, I bought seventeen disposable cameras!” Pacifica told them. “Two on my ankle, three in my jacket, four for each of you, three in this bag, and one,” she took her cousin’s hat off his head. “Under Gideon’s hat.” 

“Woah, how’d you get that there without me noticing?” he asked. 

“You were staring at a girl across the lake.” 

“Makes sense.” 

“Okay guys, let’s test out the cameras, just to make sure everything works,” Pacifica instructed. 

Soos pulled a camera out, taking a picture of himself, but the flash startled him. “Aw, dude!” he screamed, throwing the camera into the lake by accident. 

“You see, this is exactly why we have backup cameras,” Pacifica said, setting the camera she had been holding down. “We’ve still got sixteen.” 

Just then, a bird swooped near Gideon. “Ah, bird!” he said, swatting his hand in an attempt to scare it off. Unfortunately, the hand he used was holding a camera, and it fell into the water. “Aw geez, sorry Paz,” he said. 

“It’s fine, we still have fifteen!” she assured him. “We’ll be fine as long as we don’t intentionally lose the cameras.” 

“Wait, lose the cameras?” Soos asked. 

“What? No, _don’t_ lose the cameras,” Pacifica said, and Soos looked guilty. 

“Dude, I just threw two away,” he said, pointing at two cameras floating in the water. 

“Alright, this, this is okay,” Pacifica said, starting to get stressed out. “We still have thirteen-” she slammed her hands down on the small table a bit more forcefully than intended, crushing the camera she had placed there. “...Twelve. We have twelve more cameras.” 

“Maybe you should focus on something else,” Gideon suggested. Pacifica took a deep breath. 

“You’re right,” she said. “Okay, so, the boat! Soos will take the steering wheel, Gideon will be lookout, and I’ll be captain. Don’t touch your cameras until we either get to the island or you think you see the Gobblewonker.” 

“Aw, why do you get to be captain?” Gideon asked. “What about Gideon? Gid-e-on! Gid-e-on! Gid-e-on! Gid-e-on!” 

“I don’t know...” 

“Well what about co-captain?” 

Pacifica thought about it, then shrugged. “Okay, sure.” 

“Yes!” Gideon cheered. 

“Can I be associate co-captain?” Soos asked. 

“As co-captain, I authorize that request,” Gideon said. 

“Well, as captain, our first order of business is to head towards Scuttlebutt Island and use this fish food to lure out the Gobblewonker,” Pacifica said, gesturing towards a barrel full of fish food. Soos walked up to it. 

“Permission to taste some?” he asked. 

“Permission granted,” Pacifica said. 

“Permission co-granted,” Gideon said. 

“Permission associate co-granted,” Soos said, and he picked up some fish food, licking it. He immediately gagged, trying to wipe the taste off of his tongue, but his hands had touched the fish food, so he ended up just gagging more, which made him try to wipe the taste off more, trapping himself in a disgusting cycle. The cousins laughed, and Soos finally gave up, coughing. “Dude, I don’t know what I expected that to taste like,” he said, causing the cousins to laugh harder. 

“Oh, Soos,” Pacifica said through her laughter. “Never change.” 

“Wasn’t planning on it,” he said, and joined the cousins in their laughter. 

——— 

As the S.S. _Cool Dude_ approached Scuttlebutt Island, fog started to cover the ship. Soos stood toward the back, shoveling fish food into the water. The cousins stood towards the front of the ship, and a pelican landed on the railing. Gideon walked up to it and put a hand on it’s beak. 

“Hey Paz, look! How’s it going” he said, and started to move the bill up and down. In a funny voice, he said, “It’s going awesome! Bow bow, buh bow bow!” 

“Gideon, leave the pelican alone,” Pacifica said. 

“Aw, I don’t mind none!” Gideon said in his “pelican” voice. Then, he took a bottle of water out and said, in his normal voice, “Hey, look, I’m drinking water!” He started to drink it and, in the pelican voice, sang, “Twinkle, twinkle little-” Gideon started to choke, and the pelican flew away. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be on lookout duty?” Pacifica asked, and Gideon grinned. 

“Look out!” he shouted, throwing a volleyball at Pacifica. She caught it, and Gideon frowned. 

“That would’ve been so much funnier if it had hit you,” he said, and it was Pacifica’s turn to grin. 

“Like this?” she asked, throwing the ball back at her cousin. He wasn’t able to catch it, and they both laughed until the boat suddenly hit something. The cousins looked over the rails to see Scuttlebutt Island. 

“There it is!” Gideon said. He turned to Pacifica. “Am I a lookout genius or what?” he asked, and Pacifica stared at him for a moment before she opened her mouth. 

“Good job.” 

——— 

The trio made their way onto the island, looking around. 

“I’ve never seen this much fog before!” Gideon said in awe. 

“I’ve seen something similar, when my neighbor opened his bedroom window for the first time in a week,” Pacifica said. 

Soos walked up to the sign that said “Scuttlebutt Island”. “Dudes, check it out,” he said, covering up the part of the sign that said “Scuttle”. “‘Butt Island’.”

"Soos, you rapscallion!" Gideon exclaimed, laughing. Pacifica laughed a bit as well, but tried to stay focused on looking around. Gideon walked up to her. 

"Oh come on, that deserved more laughter than that! Are you scaaaaared?" he asked. 

Pacifica scoffed. "No, Gideon. I'm not scared." 

Gideon blew a raspberry and poked her on the nose. "Yeah you are! Scaredy-Paz, Scaredy-Paz!" Pacifica flinched, dropping the lantern she was holding. 

"Gideon, quit it!" 

Suddenly, the trio heard a growl. "Dude, did you guys hear that?" Soos asked, and the cousins nodded, nervous. 

"Was it your stomach growling?" Gideon asked, and Soos shook his head. 

"Nah, my stomach normally sounds like whale noises," he said, and Gideon placed his ear against him. Sure enough, he heard whale noises. 

"So majestic..." Gideon said in awe. 

A possum ran up and grabbed the lantern before running away. “Hey!” Pacifica shouted. She sighed. “Great. Now we can’t see anything.” 

“You brought seventeen cameras and one lantern?” Gideon asked. 

“No. Maybe. Yes...” she admitted. 

“Duuude, I dunno, man. Maybe this, uh... maybe this isn’t worth it,” Soos said. 

“Not worth it!? Come on, guys, imagine what it’ll be like if we can find proof of a lake monster’s existence!” Pacifica said, thinking. 

———

_Pacifica sat at a table across from a man, a mug of coffee in front of each of them. She looked the same as she usually did, except she was more confident, less anxious. She had seen countless monsters, and everyone knew it. _

_“I’m here today with adventure seeker Pacifica Southeast, who bravely photographed the elusive Gobblewonker! Tell me, Pacifica, what’s the secret to your success?” the man across from her asked. _

_“Wellll, I run away from nothing,” she said, pouring her coffee into her mouth. “Even when only a handful of people believed in both me and the weirdness of Gravity Falls, I knew about the town’s strangeness, and the Gobblewonker’s a part of that strangeness.” The man interviewing her nodded. _

_“Yes, and you were right this whole time! The people of that town were fools not to believe you!” he said. He stood up, walking over to Pacifica’s side of the table. “I don’t often do this, but I feel the need to give you an award,” he said, putting a medal around Pacifica’s neck as cameras flashed. Suddenly, a crash was heard, and the two looked over towards the wall it came from. _

_“CHARLIE!” Gideon screamed. He was still in his hamster ball, but he was very dirty, and several flies had somehow gotten inside. He was breathing heavily. “WHY WON’T YOU INTERVIEW ME!?” He started to chase after Charlie and Pacifica as they ran away, screaming._

———

“I’m gonna keep going!” Pacifica exclaimed. 

“Me too!” Gideon agreed, and the two ran off. 

Soos looked around and decided that going further with the cousins was a better idea than staying put alone. “Alright, dudes, I’m comin’!” he called out, running after them. 

——— 

“My name is Gideon! It rhymes with amphibian! It also rhymes with... midian! It also rhymes with... shmideon!” Gideon “rapped” as Soos beatboxed. 

“Dude, we should be writing this down,” Soos said. 

“Guys, shh, listen,” Pacifica said. The three heard the same growl as earlier. A group of birds all flee away from the same area, and they headed that way, Soos picking up a sharp stick. 

They saw a silhouette sitting in the lake and hid behind a log. “This is it, guys,” Pacifica said, taking a camera out. “Get ready...” 

Gideon and Soos both took a camera out and waited. 

“...GO!” Pacifica shouted, and the trio took off. Soos screamed as he ran foward, taking one photo after another. The cousins followed him, and the three only stopped when they reached the edge of the lake.

“...Beavers?” Pacifica said, confused. The “Gobblewonker” had turned out to be the remains of an old boat that had a bunch of beavers on it. Soos kept taking pictures as the cousins looked at the scene, confused. 

“If it was a bunch of beavers, then what was the noise?” Gideon asked. Pacifica looked around. 

“Yeah, there was growling...” she started, but trailed off as she caught sight of a beaver chewing on a chainsaw, activating it. It made the exact same noise they had heard earlier. Soos took a picture of it. 

“Sweet!” he said. “Beaver with a chainsaw!” 

Pacifica sat on a rock in the water as Soos took pictures of a beaver posing on a stump. “Maybe the Gobblewonker is just a myth,” she said. “I mean, in a town like this, some things are bound to be made up, right?” She sighed, chucking a stone into the water. The water rippled, and for a second she thought it was just the stone she’d thrown, but then she realized that the ripple was too big to be caused by the stone, and the rock she was sitting on started to shake. 

“Do you guys feel that?” she asked. Suddenly, the rock she was sitting on disappeared, and she gave a short scream as she fell into the water. She swam to shore, narrowly avoided a strange, dark green tail. Gideon screamed in alarm, and Pacifica bounced up and down on the balls of her feet. 

“There it is, there it is!” she said, taking out a camera and taking a shot. She turned around as Gideon and Soos backed away. 

“Paz...?” Gideon said nervously. 

“Dude...?” Soos said, also nervous. 

“Guys, what are you doing? We have to get a photo before it gets a...” she trailed off as she turned back around to see the Gobblewonker right behind her. She dropped her camera in shock as it roared. 

“Run!” Soos screamed, and the trio took off. The Gobblewonker toppled a tree, and Pacifica tackled Gideon out of the way. Soon, they caught up with Soos. 

“Get back to the boat! HURRY!” he yelled. The monster snapped at Gideon, just missing him as he jumped to onto Soos’s back. 

Pacifica turned her head, trying to snap a good picture of the lake monster, but she tripped over a root that was sticking out of the ground, dropping the camera. She stopped in her tracks, and Soos picked her up. 

“Dude, if it makes you feel any better, I got tons of pictures of those beavers, dude!” Soos told Pacifica. 

“Yeah, okay, I guess that makes me feel a bit better!” she admitted. 

The trio reached the boat, and Soos helped the cousins on before climbing on himself. The three’s combined weight pushed the part of the boat the was in the air back into the water. 

“Let’s get outta here, dudes!” 

“This is it, this is it!” Pacifica said, pulling out a camera. However, when she brought it up to her face, she realized the lens was cracked. She tried to find another one, but couldn’t, and looking around, she saw that she had dropped the rest of the ones she had when she got back on the boat. She couldn’t reach any of them. “Soos! Get one of those cameras and - Soos!” 

Soos was using the cameras as weapons to try and deter the Gobblewonker. “Don’t worry dude, I still got one left! Here!” he said, trying to toss her the camera, but his aim was off, and the camera smashed against the wall, instantly breaking into pieces. 

The Gobblewonker dove into the water and Soos climbed into the small “room” that held the control panel. He took the wheel and steered the boat out of the monster’s path. 

“Go, go, go, go, go!” the cousins shouted. 

Soos drove the boat around, trying to lose the monster, but it kept chasing after them. “Soos, look out!” Gideon screamed. The old boat was in their path, but there was no time to change course. 

The three screamed as their boat crashed through the older one. The beavers standing on it landed on them. 

“Ah, beavers! Oh no!” Soos screamed. The beavers latched onto Pacifica’s jacket, Gideon’s hat, and Soos’ face. Soos ran around, screaming. 

Gideon took the wheel as Pacifica threw beavers at the Gobblewonker, which soon dove underwater. 

The S.S. _Cool Dude_ sped through the water for a while longer before it began to approached a dead end. 

“What do we do!?” Gideon asked, and Pacifica took the journal out of her jacket, remembering something. 

“Go into the falls! I think there’s a cave inside!” she shouted. 

“You _think!?_” Gideon asked, but he didn’t change course. The trio screamed in fear, covering their eyes, and the boat crashed through the waterfall and into the cave’s shore, throwing them out onto the ground. 

The three stood up. As they dusted themselves off, the Gobblewonker entered the cave. The trio screamed, holding onto each other, but when they looked up, they realized something: the monster was stuck! 

“It can’t reach us from there!” Gideon said. Pacifica laughed and cheered, then realized something. 

“Wait, then that means...” she trailed of, running up to a ledge, Gideon and Soos following. She reached into her jacket for a camera, but remembered that she lost all of them when she couldn’t find one. Before she could start to panic, however, Gideon touched her arm. When she looked at him, he lifted up his hat, revealing the camera she had stashed there. She took it and snapped pictures of the monster. 

Did ya get a good one?” Gideon asked. 

“They’re all good ones!” Pacifica said, and the two teens grinned and hugged. Then, something unexpected happened. 

The Gobblewonker’s struggling caused a large stone to fall onto it’s head, and sparks came from it’s face as it fell to the ground. 

“What the...?” Pacifica said. She climbed onto the monster’s fin. She placed her palm against it’s body. It was cold, but not the kind of cold she was expecting. It was less of a slimy, lake monster cold and more of a machine cold. She knocked on it, and the sound it made was the sound of something hollow. She looked over to it’s face, seeing that it’s eyes had gone from glowing yellow to black, like a light had been switched off. She started to climb upwards, and Soos called out, telling her to be careful. 

“Guys, come look at this!” Pacifica said after a few moments. Gideon and Soos climbed up and, standing next to Pacifica, they saw a hatch with a wheel on it. Pacifica turned the wheel, and the hatch hissed as it opened, revealing... 

_“Uncle Tate!?”_ The cousins asked, shocked. 

The man stopped messing with the controls and turned around. “Paz, Gideon, Soos? What are you three doin’ here?” he asked. 

“‘What are we doing here?’ What are _you_ doing here?” Pacifica asked. 

“Yeah, why are you driving a robot around the lake?” Gideon asked. 

“Yeah, you could’ve hurt the kids!” Soos pointed out. 

“No! I would never!” Tate said. “I can’t see perfectly from in here, so I didn’t realize it was you, but I’d never hurt anyone on purpose, and I know this lake like the back of my hand! I know I made a couple mistakes, like when I knocked that tree over, but I swear I didn’t mean it! I just wanted to chase you into this cave, make it look like I tried and failed to fit through the entrance, and leave! I just... didn’t anticipate getting stuck...” he explained. 

“You know what, he’s right,” Pacifica said. “We never got close to any of the other boats, and even when we fell onto the ground, it didn’t actually hurt.” 

“Yeah, you’re right!” Gideon said, and Soos nodded. 

“I just have one more question,” Pacifica said. “Why do you have this robot, anyway?” 

“Well, it all started six years ago,” Tate started. 

“The lake wasn’t doing so well. Only a few people wanted to fish here, and they weren’t enough. I spent all my time, day and night, looking for a solution. After about a month, I had an idea: the Gobblewonker. It was already a local legend, so I figured if some people were to catch a glimpse of it, they’d spread the word, and the lake would be saved! Of course, it’s not like the Gobblewonker was just gonna start showing itself to people, so I built this bad boy.” 

“Wait, _you built this?”_ Pacifica asked, shocked. Uncle Tate grinned and nodded. 

“Yep! I’ve always been pretty good with machinery, so it wasn’t too hard. Honestly, I had more trouble learnin’ to drive something so large, but I’m pretty much a pro by now,” he said. 

“You must really love this lake!” Gideon said. 

“I do, but it’s not just that,” Uncle Tate said. “You guys' dad’s ended up doin’ really well for themselves. They’re both so smart, and I’m just... me. I didn’t want to end up jobless on top of that.” 

Pacifica frowned. “You’re kidding, right?” 

“Huh?” 

“Look at this!” Pacifica said, gesturing at the robot. “You built this! All by yourself! How many giant robots have our dads built?” 

“Yeah! This is really cool, Uncle Tate! You’re really smart!” Gideon said. 

“You... you really think so?” Uncle Tate asked. 

“We know so!” Pacifica said. 

Uncle Tate got out of the robot and gave his niece and nephew a hug. “Thanks, you two. I really appreciate it.” 

They stayed like that for a moment before Uncle Tate spoke up again. “Say, weren’t you two supposed to be fishing with Dad?” 

“Oh, yeah, we were, but he said he’d be fine if we went on a monster hunt with Soos if we wanted,” Pacifica told him. 

“And you believed him?” 

“Uh, yeah, why?” Gideon asked. 

“Guys, he was lying!” Uncle Tate said. “He didn’t want you guys to be upset, but there’s no way you choosing to do this over fishing with him didn’t make him sad!” 

“Dudes, looks like the real lake monster was you two,” Soos said. They stared at him. “Uh, sorry dudes.” 

“What are we gonna do?” asked Gideon. 

“I have an idea on how you can make it up to him,” Uncle Tate said. 

——— 

The S.S. _Cool Dude_ stopped next to Grandpa Fidds’ boat. 

“So, did you two find your monster?” Grandpa Fidds asked. 

“Well, we spent all day looking for a ‘legendary’ dinosaur...” Pacifica started. 

“...But we realized that there’s only one dinosaur we really wanna hang out with, and that’s you,” Gideon continued. 

“Got room for four more?” Uncle Tate asked as the cousins put on the hats that Grandpa Fidds had given them earlier. 

Grandpa Fidds looked surprised, then smiled. “Yeah, I do. Get on in here!” 

——— 

The group had spent the rest of the day fishing together and having a good time. As the boat headed back to shore, Uncle Tate spoke to his niece. 

“Thanks again for agreein’ not to show anyone those photos, Paz,” he said. 

“It’s no problem,” she said. “The mechanical stuff is barely noticeable, but I wouldn’t want to risk anyone realizing it’s a robot.” 

“Yeah. Thanks for understanding.” 

“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything that looked like that before. How’d you come up with the design?” Pacifica asked. 

“Well, just between you and me, I actually have seen the real life Gobblewonker before, so I modeled it on that,” Uncle Tate said. 

“No way,” Pacifica said in shock. 

“Yes way,” Uncle Tate said, smiling. “And who knows?” 

Unknown to the group, far below them, a monster swam through the lake. “Maybe one day you’ll see him, too.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lw’v d jrrg wklqj wkh frxvlqv kdyh wkhlu Xqfoh Wdwh. Dv jrrg dv Vrrv lv rq klv rzq, ilqglqj dqrwkhu frpshwhqw, wuxvwzruwkb dgxow lv qhyhu d edg wklqj.


	3. A Not-So-Gleeful Union

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I work really hard on this story, so if you guys could give kudos, leave comments, and maybe even recommend this fic to someone else, that would be great! 
> 
> Also, I’d love to get questions! If you have any questions about anything in the story (like “why does this character do this?”), or even about the creative process (like “why did you write this scene?”), I’d be ecstatic to answer! Just leave a comment!

Pacifica, Gideon, and Soos were in the living room, Gideon sitting on one arm of the chair, Soos leaning against the other, and Pacifica sitting on the floor. Soos was introducing the cousins to TV shows that couldn’t be seen anywhere other than in Gravity Falls. 

“The tiger was badly injured in the explosion,” the narrator of the show they were watching said. “But we repaired him, with a fist!” The tiger on screen flexed, revealing it’s new, human arm, then the title card came onscreen. 

The trio cheered. “That tiger’s a hero!” Pacifica said. 

The tiger punched itself in the face. “Tiger Fist! Will return after these messages.” 

A pair of hands appeared on screen, releasing a bunch of doves. 

“Hey, look, it’s that commercial, I was telling you guys about,” Soos said. 

“Are you completely miserable?” a voice asked. 

The screen switched to a man sitting on a bed sobbing. “YES!” he said through his tears. 

“Then you need to meet... the Gleeful Twins,” the voice said, whispering the last part. 

“The Gleeful Twins?” Pacifica asked. 

“What’s so special about them?” Gideon wondered. 

“They’re psychic.” 

“Whaaaaat?” Gideon asked. 

“So don’t waste your time with other so-called ‘men of mystery’”. The voice said, and the screen switched to a not so flattering video of Grandpa Fidds walking out of an outhouse with toilet paper stuck to his foot. “FRAUD” was stamped across the screen in red. 

“Learn about tomorrow tonight at the Gleeful Twins’ Tent of Telepathy!” the voice said, then said some really fast stuff that the trio couldn’t catch. 

“I’m gettin’ all curiousy!” Gideon said. 

“Well don’t go gettin’ too curiousy,” Grandpa Fidds said as he entered the living room. “Those Gleeful Twins have never given me anything but trouble!” 

“But are they psychic or not? My curiosity must be satiated!” Gideon said, pumping his arms in the air. 

“I think we should find out!” Pacifica said. 

“Oh no you don’t! Those two are nothin’ more than a couple a’ rich jerks. No grandkids of mine are goin’ under their roof!” their grandpa said before leaving the room. 

“Do tents have roofs?” Pacifica asked once he was out of earshot. 

“I think we just found our loophole,” Gideon said, smiling. 

“Come down soon, folks,” the voice on the TV said as Soos unpaused it. “The Twins are expecting you.” 

——— 

The cousins and Soos arrived at the Tent of Telepathy in the golf cart and parked it between two of the cars there. The tent was pale blue in color, and there were two symbol on the top. The one to the groups’ right was of the Big Dipper, and the one to their left was a crescent moon, it’s points facing away from the Big Dipper. They seemed to be the same height and size, but when Pacifica looked closely, she realized that the top of the Big Dipper symbol was a bit higher up than the top of the crescent moon. 

The trio walked up to an old man wearing a pale blue suit and holding a sack in front of the tent. As they got their money out, the man squinted at Pacifica. 

“What are you, some kinda hippie?” he asked. 

“Uh, yeah...?” Pacifica answered, confused. She eyed the strange gold symbol sewed into the man’s suit pocket, not wanting to meet his gaze. 

“Never liked hippies...” he mumbled as the trio entered the tent. 

“Is it just me, or is this tent bigger inside than it is outside?” Pacifica asked. 

“Maybe it’s magic,” Gideon suggested. The cousins laughed as they sat down. 

The lights went out, and a spotlight focused on the curtains on the stage. Gideon bounced up and down in his seat. 

“Let’s see what these two look like...” Pacifica mumbled. 

Soon, the curtains parted, and they saw... a pair of teens? 

“_That’s_ them?” Pacifica asked, not believing her eyes. 

“They’re our age!” Gideon said. 

The Gleeful Twins were a boy and a girl. They both had dark brown hair and bright blue eyes, much brighter than Gideon’s light blue ones. The boy was wearing a black vest over a dark blue dress shirt, black slacks and dress shoes, and a navy blue cape that almost seemed to glitter like the night sky, with a bright blue amulet serving as the clasp. His hair was parted in a way that revealed his forehead, showing off a birthmark shaped like the Big Dipper. He looked confident. Smug, even. The girl, on the other hand, was wearing a dark blue dress that went just past her knees, with black lace around the collar and sleeves. She was wearing identical dress shoes to her brother, and crescent moon shaped earrings hung from her ears. Her hair was much longer than her brother’s, and she wore a black headband with an amulet that matched his set into it. She looked... well, she didn’t look unconfident, per se, but she didn’t exactly look as confident as her brother, Pacifica noticed. Maybe she was having an off-day, or Pacifica was just imagining it. 

“Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the Tent of Telepathy,” the boy said. “My name is Dipper Gleeful.” 

“And I am Mabel Gleeful. Tonight is one of our shorter shows, but we hope you enjoy yourselves nonetheless,” the girl said. Dipper nodded to the old man who had been outside, who was now sitting at a piano. He started to play. 

“Oh we can see, what others can’t see,” Dipper sang. 

“It ain’t a sideshow trick, it’s innate ability,” Mabel sang. 

“Where others are blind, we are futurely inclined,” they sang in unison. “And you, too, would know...” 

“...What will be...” 

“...And what has been...” 

“...if you were... a Gleeful Twiiiiin!” 

“Now,” Dipper started, gesturing to the crowd with one hand, holding his amulet with the other. “I want you all to keep it going! Rise up!” 

Everyone in the crowd stood up, including the trio. “Did one of you guys just pull me up?” Pacifica asked her friends as everyone else started to clap. 

“Nope” Soos said, looking a bit confused. 

“Nuh-uh,” Gideon said, focused on the show. 

“You wish your son would call you more...” Mabel sang, pointing to an elderly woman with a cat in her lap. 

“I’m leaving everything to my cats!” the woman declared. 

“...I sense that you’ve been here before...” Dipper sang, pointing to Sheriff Blubbs, who was covered from head to toe in Gleeful Twin merchandise. 

“What gave it away?” he asked. Pacifica scoffed. 

“I’ll read your mind, boy in viridian,” Mabel sang, walking up to the row the trio sat in. “Something tells me you’re named Gideon.” 

“How’d she do that?” Gideon asked in awe as Mabel walked away. For a moment, Pacifica was almost impressed, but then she glanced down at the shirt her cousin was wearing. It was viridian, like Mabel had said, and it also had his name sewed into it. Pacifica rolled her eyes. 

“It’s like they’re not even trying,” she mumbled to herself. 

“So welcome all ye...” Dipper sang. 

“...To the Tent of Telepathy...” Mabel sang. 

“...And thanks for visitin’...” they sang together. “...the Gleeful Twiiins!!!” 

Most of the crowd cheered. “Thank you!” Dipper said. “You guys are the real miracles!” 

As they walked out of the tent, Pacifica turned to Gideon. “No wonder Grandpa hates them so much! They’re even bigger frauds than him!” she said. 

“Aw, come on, they weren’t _that_ bad,” Gideon says, a smile on his face. “Plus, they were both, like reeeally cute.” Pacifica shoved him lightly. 

“Of course you would say that,” she said, now smiling as well. He shoved her back, and they laughed, walking towards Soos and the cart. 

They didn’t notice the person staring at them from within the tent. 

——— 

“Check it out, Paz! I successfully bedazzled my face! Blink!” Gideon said, blinking, and a few sequins fell off his face. He giggled. 

Pacifica set her cup of water down, staring at him for a moment before speaking. “Betcha can’t bedazzle your own butt,” she said. 

“You’re on!” he said, grin widening. 

The doorbell rang. “I’ll get it,” Pacifica said. “You have more important things to do.” 

She opened the door and, to her surprise, she saw Dipper Gleeful standing there. “Hello,” he said. 

“Uh, hi,” Pacifica said. 

“Who’s at the door?” her grandpa yelled from inside. 

“Uh, nobody!” she yelled back. She stepped onto the porch and closed the door. 

“I appreciate your discretion,” Dipper said, giving her a small smile. “I know your grandfather isn’t exactly my number one fan.” 

“So, is there something you need, or...?” Pacifica asked, trailing off at the end. 

“Right,” Dipper said. “At last night’s show, I noticed you, your friend, and your... brother...?” 

“Cousin,” Pacifica corrected, and, for a second, Dipper looked relieved for some reason. 

“Yes, well, I can’t help but think you and I could be good friends,” he said. 

“You do?” Pacifica asked, and he nodded. 

“Yes,” he said. “You’re smarter than most of the people in this town. You know that it’s not... normal around here.” 

“You mean, you see it too?” Pacifica asked, getting excited. “I was starting to think that me and a handful of others were the only ones with any sense!” 

“So? What do you say? Would you like to... hang out?” Dipper asked. 

“Yeah, let’s go!” she answers, and follows Dipper as he starts to walk away. 

——— 

“...So that’s the story of how we learned that leaf blowers are a gnomes’ greatest weakness,” Pacifica said. She and Dipper sat in a small living room in the Gleeful mansion together. Dipper laughed. 

“Yeah, those gnomes are the worst, aren’t they?” he said. “They tried to kidnap Mabel when we were twelve.” 

“Who huh what?” Pacifica heard, and she turned towards the door to see Mabel standing there. Unlike Dipper, who was still wearing what he had been during the show last night, Mabel was wearing more casual clothes, a dark blue shirt, a purple jacket, black shorts, and blue tennis shoes. She was still wearing the headband and earrings, though. She spotted Pacifica. 

“Oh, hello,” she said, looking a bit surprised for a second, but she smiled softly afterward. “I didn’t know Dipper had made a friend.” She walked over to where Pacifica was seated and held out a hand. “I’m Mabel. I saw you at last night’s show, actually, with your friends. What’s your name?” 

“I’m Pacifica,” she said, glancing down at the other girl’s hand. “Um, sorry, but I don’t feel comfortable shaking hands,” she said a bit sheepishly. She was afraid Mabel would get offended, but to Pacifica’s surprise, the girl just lowered her hand. 

“That’s fine, I understand,” she said, still smiling. 

“Mabel...” Dipper said, sounding a bit annoyed for some reason. 

“Oh, right,” Mabel said, walking towards the door. “Well, I’m going out for a while. Have fun, you two.” 

She left, and Pacifica turned to Dipper. “What was that about?” 

“Hmm?” 

“I mean, you just seemed... upset, for some reason,” Pacifica clarified. 

“Oh,” Dipper said. “Well, I just knew she had somewhere to be. Didn’t want her to be late.” 

“Are you sure?” Pacifica asked. “You seemed more upset than that...” 

“Oh, I didn’t mean to. It’s just... a twin thing,” he said. 

“Oh, I guess I get it,” she said, nodding. “I get like that with Gideon sometimes.” 

“I thought you two were cousins?” 

“Oh, yeah, we are,” she said. “But we were born on the same day, a few minutes apart, while Gideon’s parents were visiting mine. Our parents call us ‘twin cousins’. I know it’s kinda lame...” 

“No, I don’t think it’s lame,” Dipper said with a small smile. 

“Really?” Pacifica asked, surprised. 

“Really,” he said. “So, which one of you is older?” 

“Gideon, believe it or not. He was born a bit early, though, so I’ve existed longer,” she said. 

Dipper nodded. “I’m actually younger than Mabel, so I guess we have that in common.” 

“You are? I kinda figured you were the older twin,” Pacifica admitted. 

“I figured you were the older cousin,” Dipper said. He had an eyebrow raised, but he was still smiling. 

“Fair point,” she said. “Weren’t you saying something about the gnomes, though?” 

“Right! They kidnapped Mabel when we were twelve to make her the ‘gnome queen’, or whatever, and...” 

——— 

“Almost there... Almost... there... yes!” Gideon said. “I did it! That’s one step closer to becoming the _ultimate being._” 

“Bye, see you tomorrow!” Pacifica said, waving. She closed the front door and walked into the living room. 

“Hey, Gide - oh, shit! I forgot you were bedazzling your butt!” she said. “How long did I keep you waiting?” 

“Oh, I just finished,” Gideon said, looking up and back at her as he lied on his back. “Who were you with, anyway?” 

“Oh, Dipper Gleeful, actually,” she said. Her cousin gasped, rolling onto his stomach. 

“Really? What did you mean by ‘see you tomorrow’?” he asked. 

“Oh, we’re gonna have dinner and talk about the paranormal,” Pacifica said, and Gideon gasped again, louder this time. 

“Wait! Who’s idea was it?” he asked, scrambling to his feet. 

“Uh, his. Why?” she asked. Gideon grabbed her shoulders and shook her back and forth. 

“He asked you on a date!” he said excitedly. 

“What, no he didn’t,” Pacifica claimed, taking her cousin’s hands off her shoulders. “We just met. We’re just hanging out. Talking about the paranormal. In a fancy restaurant. Together. It’s not a date. 

——— 

_Oh, god, this is a date!_ Pacifica thought, sitting across from Dipper. They were in the fanciest restaurant she’d ever set foot in, and Dipper had picked her up on a horse (a _horse!_). Dipper was looking at the menu in silence, so she decided to say something. 

“I can’t believe they let you bring a horse into such a fancy restaurant,” she said, and he looked up. 

“Well, people have a hard time saying no to me,” he said as the horse started to eat off of a woman’s plate. 

A waiter walked up to the table and took their orders. Pacifica noticed that Dipper was really rude to the man, but the waiter stayed respectful and smiled genuinely. She frowned. 

——— 

“Alright, guys, we have to make sure Grandpa Fidds doesn’t find out about the D-A-T-E,” Gideon said, standing in front of Soos and Robbie. 

“Uh, he can spell, you know,” Robbie said. “At least, I’m pretty sure he can...” 

“Alright, dude, I’m on it,” Soos said, picking up the newspapers he had gathered from around town, all of which featured an article about Dipper and Pacifica on the front, and hiding them under the front counter. The bell on the door jingled as Grandpa Fidds walked in. 

“Hey, y’all,” he said. “How’s it goin’?” 

“Good,” Robbie said. 

“Uh, good, fine!” Gideon said. 

“NOT SECRET!” Soos yelled. 

Grandpa Fidds blinked. “O...kay...” he said, looking around. “Where’s Pazzy?” 

“Not on a secret date, or anything,” Gideon lied nervously. His grandpa just stared at him. 

“Okay, then,” he said, leaving the room. Gideon sighed in relief. 

“Man,” Robbie said. You two are terrible liers.” 

——— 

“So then I said, ‘What’s wrong with you?’” Dipper said, laughing. Pacifica laughed as well, though it was forced. He didn’t seem to notice. 

“Pacifica, I had a great time tonight, and I’m sure I’ll have an even better time next time,” Dipper said. Pacifica eyes widened a bit. 

“Next time?” Pacifica asked. Dipper stood up on his chair, making everyone in the restaurant look his way. 

“Pacifica, will you accompany me to the ballroom dance this Thursday?” he asked, holding a hand out towards her. 

“Dipper, I...” Pacifica started. The people around them started to talk. 

“Oh, so adorable!” 

“Dipper’s got a girlfriend!” 

“They’re expecting us, Pacifica,” Dipper continued. “Please say you’ll go.” 

“Uhhhhh...” 

“I’m on the edge of my seat.” 

“This is gonna be _adorable!_” 

“If she says no, I’ll die from sadness.” 

“I can verify that that will indeed happen.” 

Pacifica frowned. Nobody noticed. 

——— 

Pacifica walked into the Mystery Shack, staring at her feet. Gideon ran over to her, grabbing her shoulders. 

“How’d it go!? Did ya have fun!? Are you going out again!? Did he...” he leaned in, narrowing his eyes and whispering. “_...hold your hand?_” 

“Woah, woah, hold on Gideon,” Robbie said, walking over and kneeling down. “She doesn’t look too good.” 

Gideon took his hands off her shoulders, and Pacifica gave a small smile. Robbie gave a small smile back, putting a hand on her shoulder, but not gripping it like Gideon had. 

“So, what happened, Paz?” Robbie asked. She hesitated to answer, so he spoke again. “How about we get you some of that really cold water from the fridge? Would that make you feel better?” He asked, and she nodded. The group moved to the large table in the living room, with Soos stopping in the kitchen to get Pacifica some water. 

“So what’s wrong, Kid Mystery? Did the hangout not go well?” Soos asked, and Pacifica smiled a little at the nickname before sighing. 

“It was just supposed to be a _hangout,_ but then we got there and I realized it was a _date,_ and Dipper was _really mean_ to the waiter, and then Dipper asked me out again, and I was going to say no, but there were _so many people,_ and they were _all whispering,_ and one lady said that if I rejected him, she’d _die!_ Then a doctor was all like, ‘I can verify that that will indeed happen.’ I didn’t want to kill an old lady, guys!” she said. Robbie rubbed her back lightly, and she took a sip of water. 

“It sounds like... he took advantage of a public setting to pressure you into another date,” Robbie said after thinking for a moment. 

“Do you really think he would do that?” Pacifica asked. “He couldn’t have known everyone would say what they did.” 

“Maybe he did, though,” Robbie said. “Once, this guy knew my friend Tambry didn’t like him, so he asked her out really loudly in the school cafeteria to pressure her into saying yes.” 

“So what did Tambry do?” Pacifica asked. 

“Watched me as I punched him in the face, then when he fell over, she kicked him in the balls,” he said, smiling a bit. “That was fun.” 

“I can’t do that to Dipper! He’s my friend!” Pacifica said. 

“Is he, though?” Soos asked. “I mean, I’m no expert on dating, or friends, or dating friends, but this... doesn’t seem like the kind of thing a friend would do.” 

Pacifica thought about it. She was excited to have a new friend who believed in the paranormal, but maybe he wasn’t as nice as he seemed... But... 

“How about...” Gideon spoke up. “You try telling him on the next date that you just want to be friends, and if it doesn’t work out well, I’ll go talk to him for you.” 

“You will?” she asked. 

“Of course!” he said. “Anything for my twin cousin!” 

——— 

Pacifica and Dipper sat in a boat late at night. It was being rowed through the river by Pacifica’s Uncle Tate. 

“Uh, I kinda thought that we were just going to go dancing, then, you know... go home,” Pacifica said nervously. Dipper took her hands in his. 

“Don’t you want this evening to last, Paz?” he asked. 

“Pacifica,” she corrected, pulling her hands back. “And, uh, you know, I’m always glad to hang out with a friend! You know, a buddy, a chum, a, um... some other word for friend.” 

“Mate?” her uncle suggested, watching the two teens from under the brim of his hat. Pacifica couldn’t see his eyes, but he seemed concerned. 

“How about... _soulmate?_” Dipper said, and fireworks shot up into the sky, forming a heart with ‘PACIFICA’ in the center. 

“Oh, that’s, uh...” Uncle Tate said, trailing off. 

“...impossible to say no to...” Pacifica finished. 

——— 

“Paz, can I speak to you for a moment?” Uncle Tate said after the boat ride was finished and they were back on land. 

“Yeah?” she said, and he kneeled. 

“I can tell you don’t like Dipper like he likes you,” Tate said. 

“Is it that obvious?” Pacifica asked, and her uncle nodded. She sighed. “I just wish _he_ could see it.” 

“I... think he might,” Tate said. “It seems like a pretty big coincidence that those fireworks went off just as you were trying to tell him you just wanted to be friends. And...” he watched as Dipper got into his great uncle’s car, waiting until it drove off to start speaking again. “...I’ve lived in this town my whole life. Some people seem to think I’m just as dumb as any other citizen, and that I’ll just forget anything weird I see. I learned a long time ago that it’s better to just let them think that, and because of that, I've seen and heard a lot. There’s something _off_ about the Gleeful family, and a lot of it revolves around that Dipper boy. It might be better to just cut him off entirely.” 

“...You’re right. Thank you, Uncle Tate,” Pacifica said. She thought for a moment. “If... if I show you something, will you promise not to tell Grandpa?” 

“If you don’t want me to, I won’t,” Uncle Tate said. 

“Do you have a flashlight?” Pacifica asked, and he took out a small flashlight, clicking it on. She took the journal out of her jacket, opening it. 

“I found this in the woods a little while back, in a secret compartment. I have no idea who wrote it, but it has all kinds of information about the creatures of Gravity Falls!” she said as her uncle read the page on gnomes in awe. 

“Paz, this... this is amazing!” Tate said, grinning. “Did you write this part?” he asked, pointing at the part listing the gnome’s weakness as “leaf blowers”. 

“Yeah! Gideon and I figured it out together when we fought them,” she said. 

“You _fought gnomes!?_ You’ve gotta tell me all about this! How about I stay the night over at the Shack. Dad won’t mind,” he suggested, grinning. 

Pacifica grinned back. “That sounds great!” 

——— 

“So then he said-” Pacifica started, walking into the gift shop, but she was interrupted by her cousin. 

“Paz, you’re back! And Uncle Tate’s here, too!” Gideon said. Pacifica looked around. Grandpa Fidds was nowhere to be seen, but Soos and Robbie were both there. 

“What are you two doing here? And where’s Grandpa?” she asked. 

“Me and Robbie were waitin’ for you, dawg!” Soos told her. 

“We both wanted to make sure you came back alright,” Robbie said. “We got kinda worried when you weren’t back when you said you’d be!” 

“And Grandpa Fidds has been gone for a while,” Gideon said. “He said something about an ‘important late night shopping trip.’ I don’t know what that really means, and I don’t want to.” 

“He does this sometimes,” Soos said, shrugging. 

“Anyway,” Gideon said, changing the topic. “You look happy! Did you, ya know, break it off?” 

“Well, no, not yet,” Pacifica admitted. “Buuuuut, I decided to show Uncle Tate the journal.” 

“I won’t tell Dad, so don’t worry about that,” Tate said, smiling. 

Gideon gasped. “Now there’s another person in the little group we have!” 

“So, how many others know about this journal anyway?” Tate asked. 

“Well, only the people in this room know that I have it. I’m not sure if anyone else knows about it’s existence,” Pacifica said. Tate nodded. 

“Alright, then. Now that we’re here, why don’t ya finish that story?” he said. 

“Story?” Gideon asked. 

“I’m telling him about the gnomes.” Pacifica said. 

“Ooh, ooh, I’m part of this story! Let me help tell it!” Gideon said in excitement. 

“Alright, alright,” Pacifica agreed, laughing. “So, like I was saying, he said...” 

——— 

The next morning, during breakfast, there was a knock on the door. Pacifica opened it, but no one was there. No one human, at least; a large, colorful bird dropped an envelope in her hands and flew away. The back of the envelope had her name written on it in dark blue cursive. _Oh, right,_ she thought, frowning. _Dipper._

“That from who I think it’s from?” Gideon asked, causing Pacifica to jump a bit. 

“Oh, Gideon, I... didn’t even hear you walk up,” she said, opening the letter. 

“I’m stealthy.” 

“Alright then... Anyway, yeah it’s a letter from Dipper, and it’s... worded more like an expectation than an invitation...” Pacifica said, scanning the letter. “He wants to meet... tonight!?” 

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Gideon said, taking the letter out of her hands. “Like I said, I’ll talk to him for you.” 

“Really?” 

“Really!” 

——— 

Gideon walked into the restaurant Dipper had told Pacifica to meet him at. On the outside, it was shaped like a club from a suite of cards, with large, neon letters that spelled out “The Club”. On the inside, it looked... different. 

“It’s like some kinda David Lynch nightmare in here...” he mumbled, walking towards a table. “Um, excuse me...” 

“Hmm?” The person at the table asked, putting down their menu, revealing themself to be Dipper. “Oh, hello... Gary...” 

“Gideon.” 

“Yeah, okay, whatever.” 

“So, um, about Pacifica,” Gideon said, causing Dipper to give him his full attention. 

“Is there something wrong with her?” Dipper asked. 

“No! But there’s something wrong with you!” Gideon answered, shooting finger guns with both hands. Dipper blinked. “...Ohhhh that didn’t come out right...” 

Gideon cleared his throat. “Sooooo... Pacifica... doesn’t wanna date you! You’ve been makin’ her feel bad, and kinda creepin’ her out! Please leave her alone!” 

“...Alright...” 

“Really!?” 

“Yes,” Dipper said. “I’ll leave her alone for as long as you live.” 

“Alright, mission success!” Gideon said. He paused a moment, then leaned an arm against the table. “We could hang out... if ya want.” 

“...No.” 

“That’s fair!” 

——— 

Dipper sat in front of the mirror in his room, breathing heavily. He clutched his amulet, causing the things around him to start rising into the air and the lightbulbs surrounding his mirror to break. “Gideon McGucket... You don’t know _what you’ve done..._” He said, grinding his teeth together and slamming his wardrobe onto the ground. “You’ve just made the worst mistake of your life!” 

Dipper’s Great Uncle opened his bedroom door. “Dipper! Clean this up!” he said, looking around. 

“Great Uncle Stan, do not interrupt me, I am _having a moment!_” Dipper screamed, clutching his amulet tighter. 

“...Eh, alright,” Stan said. 

“Grunkle Stan, my stuff’s floating around!” Mabel yelled from her room next door. 

“Well, you can wreck _your_ stuff all you want, but leave your sister’s stuff alone,” Stan said. 

“...Fine,” Dipper said, lowering the intensity of his magic. His things stayed in the air, but he heard the sound of things falling in the other room. 

“Thank you!” his sister yelled. 

“Now leave me alone. I’m... in the middle of something...” Dipper said. His great uncle closed the door. Dipper listened to him walk away, and when he could no longer hear his footsteps, he pulled something out of his desk. 

“Now, maybe I’ll do a bit of... reading up,” he said, narrowing his eyes. 

——— 

At The Mystery Shack, Soos stuffed a pillow into his shirt. “Hit me, dude!” 

Pacifica charged at Soos, jumping up and hitting the pillow and falling on the ground. Gideon followed, falling nearby. 

“Feels good,” Soos said, and the three laughed. 

“I’m glad that everything is back to normal,” Pacifica said, smiling. 

The phone rang inside. “Your turn!” both cousins said, but Pacifica finished saying it before Gideon did. 

“Aw, man,” Gideon said, walking inside and picking up the phone. “Hello?” 

“Toby Determined, Gravity Falls Gossiper,” the voice on the other end greeted. 

Gideon thought for a second. “Oh! You’re that goblin-looking guy!” he said. 

“Yes!” Toby said. “I happen to have a lot of craft supplies that I don’t need, so I was wondering if you would like them?” 

“Really!? Yes, please, thank you!” Gideon said, pulling out a small notepad. “Where should I go to get them?” 

“412 Gopher Road. Anything there is fair game!” Toby told him. 

“Okay, thank you, bye!” Gideon said, hanging out and heading off. 

——— 

Pacifica sat on the porch with her head in hands, thinking. 

“Hey, Paz, you look kind of upset,” Robbie said, sitting next to her. “Thought you’d be happier, now that you don’t have to deal with Dipper.” 

Pacifica sighed. “Me too, but I just... I don’t know! I feel like I should talk to Dipper myself. Does that make any sense?” she asked. 

Robbie thought for a second, then nodded. “Yeah, I think I see what you’re getting at. If that’s what you really want, then why don’t I drive you up to the Gleeful’s mansion in the golf cart?” he suggested. 

“Really?” Pacifica asked. 

“Yeah! And since you won’t be on a big, planned date with him, it’ll probably be easier to tell him how you feel,” Robbie said. “And if you still can’t do it, I’ll be there to support you.” 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” she said, hugging him. 

“No problem,” he said. “We can go now, if you want.” 

“Yes!” she said, standing up. “The sooner I get this off my chest, the better!” 

——— 

“Hmm hm hm, in a warehouse, in a warehouse, getting some craft supplies,” Gideon sang to himself as he walked into the building Toby had told him about. A swivel chair in the middle of the room turns around, revealing Dipper. 

“Hello, Gideon,” he says. 

“Oh! Hey, Dipper!” Gideon greeted, waving cheerfully. “You’re here, too! What a coincidence! Unless...” he starts. “...You decided that you wanted to hang out with me after all!” he finishes. In an attempt to look cool, he tried to lean against whatever was behind him, but there was nothing there, so he just fell over. “Ow.” 

“Let’s not waste each other’s time, Gideon,” Dipper said, still sitting in his chair. 

Gideon pushed himself up on his elbows. “Huh?” he asked. 

“Consider this a... gift,” Dipper said, clutching his amulet. The things around him started to float. “For turning Pacifica against me!” 

Gideon tilted his head to the side, still not fully comprehending what was happening. “A magic show?” 

——— 

Pacifica walked up to the doors of Gleeful Mansion. She rang the doorbell next to them, and a few moments later, both of the doors opened. 

“Pacifica?” Mabel asked, standing in the doorway. 

“Oh, hey Mabel,” Pacifica said. Is Dipper here? I need to talk to him.” 

“No, he’s out, actually,” Mabel told her. “Do you want me to pass a message along?” 

Pacifica shook her head “No, I need to talk to him in person,” she said. “Do you know when he’ll be back? I’d like to talk with him as soon as possible.” 

“In that case, I can tell you where he is,” Mabel said. “You probably won’t be interrupting anything. Sometimes he just goes off and... broods, or whatever.”

“Oh, uh, yeah! Where is he?” Pacifica asked. 

“At the warehouse we keep merchandise in. The address is 412 Gopher Road,” Mabel answered. 

“Alright, thank you, bye!” Pacifica said, running back to the golf cart. 

“Back already?” Robbie asked, raising an eyebrow. Pacifica nodded, buckling her seatbelt. 

“Yeah, apparently Dipper’s at a warehouse, 412 Gopher Road,” she said. “Will you take me there?” 

“‘Course I will,” Robbie said. He started the golf cart, and they drove off. 

“So, what do you think he’s doing at a warehouse?” Robbie eventually asked. 

“Mabel said he might be brooding,” Pacifica said, and Robbie laughed. 

“Emo,” he said. “Oh, hey, there it is!” 

Robbie parked the cart, and Pacifica hopped out. “I wanna go in by myself, but I’ll call you if things go bad, okay?” she said. 

“Got it,” he said, and Pacifica ran up to a large window. What she saw made her freeze. 

Dipper was there, like she expected, but so was Gideon. Her cousin was running around, dodging various things being thrown at him from above. For a moment, Pacifica wondered what was going on, but then she looked at Dipper, and saw that he was clutching his amulet. The amulet and the hand grasping it were both surrounded in the same blue glow as the objects being flung at Gideon. He looked angry. Her eyes widened in realization. _Dipper was trying to hurt her cousin!_

She stared in shock as Dipper used his (apparently very real) powers to lift Gideon into the air. Pacifica was only able to move once Dipper used his powers to open a nearby box, lifting the contents, a very sharp looking pair of shears, towards her cousin. She burst into the building. 

“DIPPER!” she said, and he paused, turning around and dropping the shears, but keeping Gideon in the air. 

“Pacifica, my darling! Wh-what are you doing here!” Dipper asked. 

“I’m sorry, Dipper, but I, I can’t be your darling...” Pacifica said, walking up to him and taking his hands. “I needed to tell you that face-to-face... But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be friends!” 

“Really?” Dipper asked. 

“No, not really!” Pacifica answered, snatching his amulet. Gideon fell to the floor. “You just tried to _murder_ my cousin! What the actual _fuck,_ Dipper!?” 

“Hey, give that back!” Dipper demanded, and Pacifica threw it over to Gideon. 

“Ha ha! Can’t do shit without this, huh?” Gideon asked, waving the amulet around. He looked at it closely. “What’s this thing made of, anyway? Is this a real jewel? Where - AH!” he was cut off by Dipper tackling him. He dropped the gem, and the two boys went crashing threw the window. 

“Gideon!” Pacifica screamed. She ran over to the amulet, picking it up. She started to feel power flowing through her. _Make me float,_ she thought, and she felt herself rise into the air. 

Outside, Gideon and Dipper were falling and slapping each other, until they realized that they were about to hit the ground. They screamed, but when they were just inches above the ground, they stopped, a blue glow surrounding them. They rose a bit into the air, and looking up, they saw Pacifica, the magic amulet grasped tightly in her fist. When she reached the ground, she released both boys, making them fall to the ground. 

“Get this through your thick skull: I don’t like you, and I will _never_ date you,” Pacifica said, and she threw the amulet to the ground, shattering it. 

“No!” Dipper screamed. 

“Guys?” the three heard, and Robbie came into view. “Oh thank god, you’re okay!” he said, running over to them. 

“Robbie?” the cousins said in unison. 

“I heard a bunch of crashes, so I ran inside, but nobody was in there, and the window was broken, so I ran down here looking for you guys!” Robbie said. “I’m glad you guys are okay! But... what happened? And how’d you get down here?” 

“I almost died!” Gideon said. 

“What!?” 

“It’s a long story, but the point is that Dipper tried to kill Gideon!” Pacifica said, pointing at Dipper. 

Robbie scowled, cracking his knuckles and walking up to Dipper. “Just like with Tambry...” 

He punched Dipper in the face, knocking him out. 

“Woo! Go Robbie!” Gideon cheered. 

“Nice! But is he gonna, like, be okay?” Pacifica asked. 

“Yeah, he’s not, like, dead, or anything,” Robbie said. “He’ll probably just be passed out for a while.” 

“We should probably take him home...” Gideon said. 

“Or we could leave him here,” Pacifica suggested. 

“Yeah, that makes sense.” 

“Good idea.” 

The three walked back to the golf cart, and as they got buckled in, Pacifica spoke. 

“I think we learned a valuable lesson today,” she said. 

“What lesson?” Robbie asked. 

“Bros before hoes,” Pacifica said, and Gideon and Robbie both cheered as they drove back to The Mystery Shack. 

——— 

Dipper sat in his room, alone. His amulet was on the desk in front of him. It had repaired itself; it _was_ magic, after all. “Oh Pacifica... it’s not so simple. You should know that. You’re the smart one, after all,” he said, flipping the pages of the book laying in front of him. “But I’ll forgive you, my dear. You may not understand now. You may not understand for a long time. But you’ll see eventually.” 

He closed the book, looking at the gold, six fingered hand with a black “2” in the middle as it shimmered in the light of his desk lamp. _“**Everyone** will see...”_

——— 

“...Alright, ready,” Gideon said, turning the lights off. Pacifica turned on the flashlight she was holding, and Uncle Tate pressed the play button on his phone. Music started, and Soos, his body entirely bedazzled, started to spin in circles, holding his arms out. Since his whole body was bedazzled and he was standing in the beam of Pacifica’s flashlight, it created a disco effect. 

“The ultimate being...” Gideon whispered happily. 

Grandpa Fidds and Robbie both stared at “Disco Soos”, a name Soos himself had come up with when Gideon had started bedazzling him. Grandpa Fidds was scowling lightly, while Robbie had a large grin on his face. 

“...I hate this.” 

“I love this!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wkh wrzqviron eholhyh wkdw wkh Johhixo Wzlqv duh htxdov lq hyhub zdb, exw wkdw frxogq'w eh iduwkhu iurp wkh wuxwk. Wkhuh lv, prvw ghilqlwhob, d "pruh srzhuixo wzlq".


	4. The Inconveniencing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I hope everyone likes this! Also, please comment, my crops are dying.

Pacifica and Gideon sat in The Mystery Shack gift shop. Pacifica was reading the journal while Gideon sat on a globe, spinning around. 

“Hey, Gideon,” Pacifica said. “Do you believe in ghosts?” 

“I believe you’re a neeeeeerd! Hey-o!” Gideon replied. Pacifica rolled her eyes and placed her pencil against the globe, stopping it and causing her cousin to fall to the floor. 

Grandpa Fidds opened the front door, poking his head in. “Soos! Robbie!” he said. 

Soos ran up next to Robbie, who was leaning against the counter, reading a magazine. “What’s up, Mr. McGucket?” Soos asked. 

“I’m headin’ out. You two’re gonna clean those bathrooms, right?” Fidds asked. 

“Yes sir!” Soos said, saluting. 

“Absolutely not!” Robbie said, saluting as well. 

“Ha! You stay out of trouble,” Fidds said before leaving. 

“Hey guys,” Robbie said, walking past the counter as Gideon stood up. He stopped in front of a curtain, pulling it back. “What’s this? A secret ladder to the roof?” 

“Uh, I don’t think Mr. McGucket would like that...” Soos said nervously. 

“Huhhh?” Robbie said, reaching a hand out towards the ladder. 

“Uhhhh...” Soos said. 

“Huhhhhh?” 

“You’re freaking me out, dude!” Soos said. 

“Wait, can we actually go up there?” Pacifica asked. 

“Hell yeah we can!” Robbie said, grinning. He started to climb the ladder. “Roof time! Roof time!” 

“Roof time! Roof time!” the cousins chanted, following Robbie. 

“Uhhhh...” Soos said nervously, looking out the door window and up towards the roof. 

The cousins followed Robbie to a section of the roof. “Check it out!” he said, gesturing towards a cooler, a lawn chair, an umbrella, and a bucket of pine cones.

“Wow!” Gideon said. 

“Did you bring all this up here?” Pacifica asked. 

“I miiight come up here during work occasionally. Every day. All the time,” Robbie admitted. He picked up a pine cone from the bucket and chucked it at a target that was drawn on a piece of paper taped to the totem pole. It hit the bullseye, and he cheered. 

“Can we try?” Gideon asked. 

“Go ahead!” Robbie answered, and the cousins cheered, taking a few pine cones from the bucket. 

Gideon threw one, hitting the totem pole but missing the target by a few feet. Pacifica threw one after, but she didn’t hit the target, or even the totem pole. Instead, it hit a car. Pacifica cringed, blushing, but Robbie grinned. 

“Using nature to destroy technology! You really are a hippie!” he said. He held up his hand. “High five!” They high fived, and Pacifica’s blush darkened a bit. 

A car pulled up to the shack. “Oh, hey, it’s my friends!” Robbie said. A hand came out of the window and waved, and someone called Robbie’s name. 

Robbie turned to the cousins. “You guys aren’t gonna tell Fidds about this, yeah?” he asked. Pacifica mimed zipping her lips, and Robbie returned the gesture. “Later dorks!” he said, and he climbed onto a tree, causing it the bend down towards another tree. He hopped onto that one, causing it to bend to the ground, and he jumped down and ran into the car, which drove off as soon as he closed the door. 

“That was fun,” Pacifica said, staring at the spot where the car had been and smiling softly. Gideon looked at her and gasped. 

“Ooooooh, you’ve got a crush on Roooobieeeee,” he said, poking her arm. She scoffed. 

“No, I don’t. I just like hanging out with him. It’s not like I think about him at random times, or whatever,” she claimed, rolling her eyes. 

——— 

That night, the cousins were in their beds. While Gideon was sleeping soundly, Pacifica was tossing and turning, trying to fall asleep. She placed her arm on the matress in front of her. Staring at it, she sighed softly. 

_I wonder if Robbie’s having trouble sleeping,_ she thought, closing her eyes. After a few seconds, they shot open. 

_Oh no._

——— 

“Random dance party for no reason!” Gideon screamed, turning on some music. As he started to dance, Robbie cheered him on. 

“Go! Go! Go! Go!” 

Pacifica stood a few feet away, holding a clipboard and doodling. It was the afternoon after she had realized she liked Robbie, and she was trying to avoid looking at him. “Paz!” she heard, startling her. “Aren’t you gonna get in on this?” Robbie asked. 

“Oh, uh, I dunno, I’m not the best dancer...” Pacifica said. 

“Booooo!” Gideon said. 

“Yeah, Paz,” Robbie said. “Gideon and I aren’t the ‘best dancers’, but that’s not stopping us.” 

“Yeah!” 

“Can you sing, maybe?” Robbie asked.

“Um, no, I can’t sing...” Pacifica claimed. 

“What about the Nature Song?” Gideon asked. 

“Nature Song?” Robbie asked. 

Gideon nodded. “Yeah! I remember a few times, when we were younger, Aunt Priscilla dressed Paz up in some sandals, a white dress, and a flower crown, and she would sing this song about, like, flowers and animals n’ stuff.” 

“No, I didn’t, I-I think you just dreamt that!” Pacifica said nervously. 

“Did I?” Gideon wondered, narrowing his eyes. “...No, I don’t think I did! I think I even have a picture somewhere...” 

To Pacifica’s relief, the clock chimed, and Robbie looked at it. “Oh, looks like it’s quittin’ time,” he said. He started to walk towards the door. “My friends are probably waiting outside.” 

“Wait!” Pacifica said, and he stopped, turning around. She wrung her hands, nervous. “Do you think, maybe, y’know, we, I mean, Gideon and I, could, um... come hang out with you guys?” 

“I dunno...” Robbie said, putting his hand on his chin in thought. “My friends are... well, they’re something. Are you sure you can handle them?” 

“Yeah!” she said. “I mean, I just finished my freshman year of high school, so I can handle a few people.” 

“Well, if you’re sure,” he said, continuing his walk towards the door. “Just give me a minute.” 

Once the door closed, Gideon turned towards his cousin. “I didn’t know you were a year ahead of me in school. Is that some kinda, like, hippie nerd thing?” he asked. 

“No, Gideon, I’m not actually a year ahead of you,” Pacifica said. 

Gideon looked confused for a moment, but then his face lit up in realization. “You _lied!_” 

“Yes,” she said. 

“You lied about what grade we’re in!” 

“Mm-hm.” 

“So we could hang out... with Robbie... and his friends...” 

“Gideon, I know what you’re thinking, and you’re wrong.” 

“...Because...” 

“Gideon, _no._” 

“...You like Robbie! I knew it!” 

“Okay, fine, I like him. Are you happy?” 

“Ooooooh, you like Roooooooobieeeeeee,” Gideon said, grinning. Pacifica frowned, flipping his hat off. “Hey!” 

Robbie opened the door again. “Alright, ready?” 

“Ready!” both cousins said as Gideon put his hat back on. 

Outside, a group of teens about Robbie’s age were gathered near a van. Two teens, one with long, blonde hair and one with a hat, were chanting “In the belly! In the belly!” and holding a third, shirtless teen upside down by his legs. A girl with short purple hair was using her phone to record as a girl with long red hair threw jellybeans at the shirtless boy, aiming for his belly button. Suddenly, one landed perfectly, but it wasn’t the girl that had thrown it. Confused she looked behind her, seeing Robbie. 

“Robbie!” the teens cheered. 

“Robbie! Robbie!” the one in the hat chanted. 

“Hey guys! These are the two I told you about,” Robbie said, and Pacifica felt her heart jump a bit. He _talked_ about her, and probably not in the way kids back home did. 

“Hi I’m Gideon!” Gideon said, pulling something out of his pocket. “Look at this marble I found in the woods!” 

“Hi, I’m Pacifi - wait, ‘marble I found in the woods?’” Pacifica said, looking at the object in Gideon’s hand. It looked like a regular, white marble for the most part, but she swore it was glowing a bit. “Gideon, why didn’t you tell me about this, it looks cursed as hell.” 

“I don’t tell you about everything,” Gideon said, smiling cheekily. Someone cleared their throat, and the cousins looked back towards the others, Gideon putting his marble back in his pocket. 

“Sooo...” the red haired girl said. Pacifica looked at her hoodie for a moment. It was black with a stitched up heart in the middle. For some reason, it caught her attention, but she tried not to stare. “Just what kind of name is ‘Pacifi’, anyway?” 

Pacifica blushed a bit in embarrassment. “Um, sorry, I got distracted. My name’s Pacifica.” 

“Whatever you say, Pacifi,” the girl said, causing the blonde boy and the boy with the hat to laugh. Pacifica frowned. 

“Come on, Wendy,” Robbie said before turning back to the two cousins. “Anyway, this is Lee and Nate,” he said, gesturing towards the two boys that had laughed. The one in the hat, Nate, punched the blonde one, Lee, who flinched and laughed. 

“Tambry,” Robbie continued, gesturing towards the purple haired girl. Tambry waved and made a sound that sounded more or less like a “hey” without looking up from her phone. 

“Thompson, who once ate a runover waffle for 50 cents,” Robbie said, gesturing towards the guy who had been shirtless when they first showed up, though he had put his shirt back on since then. 

“Don’t tell them that...” Thompson said, looking down towards the ground. 

“And Wendy,” Robbie said, gesturing towards the red headed girl, who was now leaning up against the van, strumming a guitar. “You can probably figure her out.” 

“Yeeeah, I’m the one who spray painted the water tower,” Wendy said, smirking. 

“Oh, you mean the big muffin?” Pacifica asked, pointing towards the water tower. 

“Um, it’s a giant explosion,” Wendy said, and everyone looked over at the water tower. Lee laughed. 

“Kinda does look like a muffin,” he said, and he and Nate laughed. Wendy glared at Pacifica, who rubbed her arm sheepishly. 

“Come on, guys, I’ve got big plans for tonight,” Robbie said, clapping his hands twice. “Chop chop!” 

Everyone got in the car, and Pacifica tried to get in the passenger seat, since almost everyone had gotten in the middle-back area of the car, but someone pulled the door back. It was Wendy, who had entered the middle like everyone else, but crawled up to the front. “Sorry, kid, shotgun’s mine,” she said, and Pacifica nodded, not wanting to upset her any more than she already had. 

Pacifica got in the back, sitting next to Gideon, and Thompson started the car. “Okay just, before we go, my mom said you guys aren’t allowed to punch the roof anymore, sooo...” he said. 

The rest of the older teens stared at him for a moment, then started to punch the roof. “Thompson! Thompson! Thompson!” They chanted. Thompson just drove off without so much as sighing. 

The cousins sat in the back of the car, Pacifica chewing on the end of a sharpie nervously. Gideon took it from her, prompting a “Hey!” He used the sharpie to cross out the “YOU STINK!” written next to him, writing “you look nice today!” under it, dotting to “i” in “nice” with a heart. He laughed. 

“This is gonna blow someone’s mind!” he said. 

“Gideon, I was using that!” Pacifica said. 

“You were chewing on it! Honestly, Paz, you gotta stop doing that!” 

“I can’t help it!” 

“Well you should at least find something better to chew on!” 

“Like what?” Pacifica asked. Gideon shrugged. 

“I dunno, but there’s gotta be something better than pens and sharpies!” 

“What’re you guys talking about back there?” Robbie asked. Gideon opened his mouth, but before he could answer, Pacifica did instead. 

“Oh, nothing!” she said. 

“If you say so,” Robbie said. 

Gideon stared at his cousin. “What?” she asked. “Why are you looking at me like that?” 

“Noooothin’,” Gideon said, shrugging. “Just can’t believe you’re so easily embarrassed in front of your BOYFR-hmmpf!” Pacifica threw a hand over his mouth, cutting him off. She took her hand away just a moment later in disgust, though, feeling something wet. 

“Did... did you just lick my hand?” Pacifica asked. 

“Mayyybeee.” 

“...Gideon...” 

——— 

Back at home, the cousins’ grandpa sat in the chair in front of the TV. 

“You’re watching the black and white period piece old lady boring movie channel!” a voice on the TV said. 

Grandpa Fidds looked around for a moment. “Kids, have either of ya seen the remote? I can’t find it, and whatever genius built this TV made it the only way to change the channel,” he said. 

“Stay tuned for the Friday night movie, _The Duchess Approves,_” the TV announcer continued. “Starring Sturly Stembleburgiss as ‘The Duchess’ and Grampton St. Rumpterfrabble as irascible coxswain ‘Saunterblugget Hampterfuppinshire’!” 

“KIDS!” 

As the movie began, Fidds began to panic. “NOOOOOOO!” he screamed, but it was already to late. His fate... was sealed. 

——— 

Eventually, Thompson parked the car, and everyone got out. Gideon ran off, but before Pacifica could look around, she felt a hand on her shoulder. It was Thompson. 

“Thanks for, you know, not punching the roof,” he said. “I appreciate it.” 

“Oh, uh, yeah. No problem,” Pacifica said, smiling. She may have gotten off on the wrong foot with Wendy, but she was glad that at least one of Robbie’s friends didn’t seem to hate her. 

“C’mon, this way,” Thompson said, leading her over to the chain-link fence where everyone else stood. 

“Paz, Gideon, welcome to the condemned Dusk 2 Dawn,” Robbie said, looking at his two younger friends. 

“Neato!” Gideon said. 

“‘Condemned’? What happened?” Pacifica asked. 

“Murder happened!” Nate said. 

“Some guys died in here, and ever since, it’s been haunted as shit!” Lee elaborated. 

“The history of this town is so unique!” Gideon said. 

“A-are you guys sure we should be here?” Pacifica asked nervously. 

“Nah, it’s fine,” Robbie said. “We’ve been hanging out here for a few years now, since we were about your age, and we’re not dead yet!” 

As he started to climb the fence, Pacifica looked at a sign above her. It was supposed to say “NO TRESPASSING VIOLATORS WILL BE PROSECUTED”, but someone had spray painted “DEAD!” over “PROSECUTED”. She gulped, looking around. Almost everyone else was on the other side of the fence at this point, so she started to climb as well. 

When she reached the top she paused, trying to figure out the best way to get to the ground without getting hurt. 

“Come on, you can do it!” Robbie said. 

“Just a second!” Pacifica said. Maybe she could get a foothold and climb down? 

“C’mon, your cousin did it!” Wendy said, pointing towards Gideon, who was “running” sideways on the ground. 

“I know, but...” 

“Hey, I’ve got an idea,” Lee said. He was the only other person who wasn’t on the ground yet. “Wanna try it?” 

“Um, okay,” Pacifica said. 

“Alright,” Lee said. He picked her up. 

“Wha-” 

“Just - just hang on,” he said, lowering her down. “Let’s just - ack!” 

Pacifica fell to the ground. “Shit, sorry!” Lee said. He jumped down and helped her up. 

“Good job dropping her, genius!” Nate said. 

“Your mom’s a genius!” Lee said. 

Everyone gathered around the door as Wendy tried to open it. “It’s locked,” she said. 

“What, seriously?” Robbie asked. “It’s never been locked before.” 

“Maybe the sheriff and deputy caught on to us...” suggested Thompson. Tambry snorted. 

“You mean _Blubbs and Durland?_ Please. The only thing they’ve ever ‘caught on’ to is the end of an ice cream truck,” she said. 

“That was a fun day,” Lee said. 

“Maybe I can find a way in?” Pacifica offered. 

“Yeah, sure, whatcha gonna do, bust the door down?” Wendy asked, scoffing. “Please.” 

“Hey, stop it,” Robbie said. “Pacifica’s smart. If she thinks she can find a way in, she can find a way in.” 

Pacifica looked around. She saw a vent on the ceiling, and a dumpster that reached about halfway up to the roof. She walked over to the dumpster, climbing on top of it and grabbing on to the roof. Hoisting herself up, she walked over to the vent. 

“What are you doing?” Tambry asked, but Pacifica didn’t answer. She rammed her shoulder against the vent a few times, then punched it, causing it to fall inwards. 

“Go, Paz, punch that metal thing!” Gideon cheered as she climbed in. 

“Who wants to bet she doesn’t make it?” Wendy asked, but not a moment later, Pacifica opened the door. Grinning, she motioned for everyone to go inside. Everyone except for Wendy cheered. 

“Good call inviting this little maniac!” Lee said as he passed. 

“Your new name is Dr. Funtimes!” Nate said. 

Gideon and Robbie both gave her a high five as they passed, the latter adding a “Nice job!” 

“Do you guys ever wonder if this place is actually haunted?” Thompson asked. 

“If it was, we’d probably know by now,” Robbie answered. 

“Oh, yeah,” Thompson said as an unseen force turned the sign on the door to flip to the “Get Lost! We’re CLOSED” side. “You’re probably right.” 

The group looked around. “Woah!” Gideon said. “There’s so much stuff in here!” 

“Yeah, I kinda expected it to be emptier,” Pacifica said. 

“Yeah, they pretty much left everything in here. Not sure why, but hey, I’m not complaining,” Robbie told them, shrugging. 

“Never seems to run out, either,” Nate added. “Free nineties candy forever!” 

As the older teens moved towards the aisles, Gideon went up to the counter. He dragged a finger across it, then put it in his mouth. “Yep! That’s dust!” he said cheerfully. 

“Are you absolutely sure?” Pacifica asked. 

“You’re right. I need a second taste,” Gideon answered, but before he could put more dust in his mouth, Robbie called out. 

“Guys, check it out,” he said as the cousins walked over. Once they reached him, he flipped a row of switches on the wall, and everything turned on. 

“Wow!” Gideon exclaimed. 

“All of this stuff still works?” Pacifica asked. Robbie nodded. “That’s... actually really impressive. So, what are we gonna do?” 

“Yeah, what first?” Gideon added. 

“We’re gonna do anything we want,” Robbie said, making Pacifica and Gideon turn to each other and grin. “As for what we’re gonna do first...” Someone threw a pack of donuts at Pacifica, hitting her right in the arm. 

“CONVENIENCE STORE CANDY FIGHT!!!” 

Everyone scattered, and they somehow ended up in two teams of four, each stationed on opposite sides of the room, with Pacifica, Lee, Tambry, and Thompson on one team and Gideon, Robbie, Wendy, and Nate on the other. Lee and Robbie carried Pacifica and Gideon, respectively, on their shoulders so they could reach over the shelves. They mostly threw wrapped packages at each other, but a lot of candy still ended up outside of it’s packaging and then, predictably, inside their mouths. 

Afterwards, while Robbie was setting something up, Lee hit Nate in the gut with a bag of cat litter. While Lee laughed, though, Nate picked up another bag of cat litter and hit Lee with it. As they laughed, Robbie called them over. He gave Nate three mints, and everyone watched as Nate put them into a large bottle of Pitt Cola. A fountain shot out of it, and everyone cheered, Gideon trying to catch the soda in his mouth. 

After that, Gideon ran around, trying to come up with an idea of what to do next, but he saw something that made him stop in his tracks. It was a stand full of candy with banners that had “DO NOT SELL” written on them. 

“Is this Smile Dip!?” he asked no one in particular. He picked up a packet as Pacifica walked over. “This stuff has been banned in America for, like, at least a decade! Think I should eat it?” 

“Gideon, whatever this candy does is bad enough that the whole country banned it. On top of that, it’s been sitting here for _at least_ a decade, maybe closer to two decades! Maybe even _longer_ than two decades!” Pacifica said. 

“And that means?” 

“It means that I’m disappointed that you haven’t already started eating it,” Pacifica said. Someone hit her with a wrapped ice cream bar, and she ran off, laughing. 

Gideon sat down, opening the packet. He took the stick, dipping it in the powder, but when he held it up, he frowned. “I can do better than this,” he mumbled. He then proceeded to pour all the powder still in the packet into his mouth. 

Pacifica had climbed to the top of a row of shelves with Robbie, each with an ice cream bar in one hand. 

“Hey come here, we got it ready!” Nate shouted, and Thompson ran over to him. 

“Whatever it is I’ll do it!” he said. Robbie laughed. 

“Thompson!” he cheered before turning to Pacifica. “We’ve been coming here for a long time, but I think this might be the most fun we’ve ever had.” 

“Really?” Pacifica asked. 

“Just look at everyone!” Robbie said, gesturing at his friends. “The others are bonding, and I haven’t seen Tambry look up from her phone for this long in years.” Pacifica looked over to them. Thompson was on his hands and knees, Nate pulling his pants back as Wendy poured ice into them. Nearby, Lee and Tambry stood watching them, with Tambry glancing down at her phone periodically. The five of them cheered as the bag of ice emptied. 

“Plus, Gideon seems to be going nuts for that Smile Dip,” Robbie continued, pointing at Gideon, who was lying on the floor against the Smile Dip stand, covered in the sugary powder. 

“Ughhhhh... maybe I’ve had a lil’ too much...” Gideon groaned. He turned his head to the side. “What do you think?” he asked the giant, yellow dog he was hallucinating. 

“BIWYKJSQXHHXZWUCUHJADWBASMSJ,” the dog said as a second dog ran up to Gideon. 

“Would you like to eat my candy paws?” the second dog asked, holding out one of it’s front paws. 

“Of course I do, you little angel!” Gideon answered. In his hallucination, he started to chew on the paw, but from Pacifica and Robbie’s point of view, he was just gnawing on the air. 

“I know we’ve only known each other for a couple weeks, but I always have fun hanging out with you,” Robbie said. 

“Oh, I, um,” Pacifica stuttered, getting flustered. Nobody outside of her family had ever said that they enjoyed her company. 

“A few years ago, I probably would’ve said it was because you were ‘mature’ or something, but since then I’ve realized that maturity is overrated,” Robbie said. 

“What do you mean?” Pacifica asked. Robbie looked up at the ceiling. 

“Maturity is just a dumb concept. Like, what is ‘maturity’ anyway? Is it what makes you an adult? If it is, than what does that make an immature person that’s older than eighteen? A tall child? And what is ‘mature’? If everyone has a different idea of what’s mature, then is every adult just a tall child to at least one person?” Robbie blinked twice, then turned his head back to Pacifica. “Sorry, I got all philosophical for a second. The point is maturity is dumb.” 

“Hey guys! We need more ice!” Lee said, shaking an empty ice bag. 

“I’m on it!” Robbie said, jumping to the ground. 

“I’ll help!” Pacifica offered, jumping down as well. The two ran off, and Lee started to push down the ice in Thompson’s pants to make room for more. 

Robbie reached the freezer, opening it and taking out two bags of ice. Pacifica took one and went to close the door when she froze, eyes widening. There was something in the freezer. 

It had a large human brain, veiny limbs, an open mouth, and human eyes. It was floating, and it’s eyes moved towards Pacifica using long stalks. She screamed, making Robbie turn around. His eyes widened, and he slammed the freezer door shut. The two teens breathed heavily for a moment, Robbie leaning against the door. He moved to stand next to Pacifica, and they both eyed the door warily. They glanced at each other, and Pacifica slowly reached her hand out. She grasped the handle and, hesitantly, she opened the freezer. But there was nothing there. 

“What,” Robbie started after a moment of silence. “the _shit_?” 

“Hey, something going on?” Lee asked. The rest of the older teens had walked over. “We heard somebody screaming back here.” 

“You freakin’ out, kid?” Nate asked. 

“What, no, I’m, I’m cool. I’m fine,” Pacifica lied. 

“Then what’s up with that?” Wendy asked, pointing to a bunch of ice on the floor. Pacifica hadn’t even realized she’d dropped her bag until that moment. 

“Guys, just-” Robbie started, but Pacifica interrupted him. 

“Hey, look, _Dancy Pants Revolution_! The game that tricks people into exercising!” she said, and everyone except for her and Robbie ran over to it in excitement. 

“Nice save,” Robbie said. 

“Thanks,” Pacifica said, looking back at the freezer nervously. “...Maybe we should go over there, too,” she suggested. 

“Yeah...” Robbie said. “Let’s go.” 

They joined the others gathered around the game as Thompson played. “Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!” the group chanted. 

“Wow,” Robbie said. “He isn’t doing well at all.” 

“Yeah, he-” Pacifica started, but stopped as she saw their reflections in the doors. They were all skeletons, and she could only tell it was their reflections because of the clothes they wore. Robbie, Wendy, and Tambry’s “reflections” had their skulls turned towards her, even though the three older teens were facing foward. The skeleton in her clothes moved it’s skull without Pacifica herself doing anything. Robbie tried to see what Pacifica was looking at, but by the time he turned his head, the reflections had gone back to normal. He looked back to Pacifica. 

“Did you see something?” he whispered. She nodded. “Should we do something?” 

“I-I think I’m gonna go call my grandpa,” Pacifica said. 

“Are you sure that’s the best idea?” Robbie asked. 

“It’s the only one I have,” she answered.

“Okay, while you do that, I’ll try to come up with an excuse to get everyone out of here,” he said. She nodded, and ran over to the phone on the wall. She dialed her grandpa’s number and waited, but he didn’t pick up. She tried again, and a third time after that, but she still got no answer. 

_Why isn’t he picking up? Is something wrong with the phone?_ Pacifica wondered as she dialed the number a fourth time. 

——— 

Back at the shack, the phone was ringing just fine, but Grandpa Fidds, now with a blanket and a tub of ice cream, was too invested in the TV to hear it. 

“I’m sorry, but I must!” the main character said to another young woman. “As my best friend, you should know that this is my duty as a **Duchess**!” 

“Please, reconsider!” the other woman said, taking the main character’s hands in her own. “You may be a Duchess, but you are my best friend, and...” 

“And!?” Grandpa Fidds demanded before taking a bite of ice cream. 

“And?” the main character asked. 

“...And the love of my life!” the other woman said. The main character gasped, tears welling up in her eyes as she smiled. 

“Yes! YES! I KNEW IT!” Fidds cheered. He cried into his hands. “It’s just like my life! ...in a way!” 

——— 

Pacifica had dialed eight times at this point with no response, so she abandoned the phone and ran over to Gideon. “Hey, I need your help,” she said. “This place is really, really haunted, and weird stuff is happening, and we need to convince everyone to leave! What should we do?” she asked. She waited for a few moments, but got no response. “...Gideon?” 

In his hallucination, Gideon was riding a large, flying dolphin with buff human arms. “The future... is in the past! Onwards Aoshima!” he said, pointing foward, and the dolphin rotated its arms and head, revealing a second head behind the first one. Both heads’ mouths opened, and an arm came out of each. All four hands had mouths on the palms, and they opened to spit out rainbows. 

Back in real life, Pacifica shook her cousin. “Gideon! How much Smile Dip did you eat!?” 

“Beleven... teeeeen...” he slurred out. 

“Oh man,” Pacifica said as she started to panic. 

Over at the front counter, Wendy was messing around with old lottery tickets. When she dropped her quarter, she followed after it, but when she saw where it stopped rolling, she paused. It had landed right next to the outlines of the dead owners. 

Now, Wendy wasn’t an idiot. She knew that messing with the outlines would be a bad idea. In fact, she had placed a bunch of empty boxes over them to stop her friends from seeing them, because she knew that they loved doing stupid things. Someone must’ve been in the store since they last were, though, because the boxes had been moved to the side, making the outlines completely visible. Wendy went to move the boxes back, but then she had a stupid idea of her own. 

“Hey, everyone, come look at this!” she called, and everyone except for Gideon and Thompson gathered around. 

“Whoa!” 

“Freaky...” 

“How come we never saw these before?” Robbie asked. 

“There were some boxes on top of em’, but I moved them and found these underneath,” Wendy lied, gesturing towards the boxes nearby before looking at Lee. “Dare you to lie down in it.” 

“Good idea!” Lee said. He elbowed Nate. “Go lie down in it.” 

“I’m a dead body, look!” Nate said, walking over to the outlines. 

“Wait!” Pacifica said before Nate’s foot could touch the tape. Everyone looked at her. “Maybe this is a bad idea.” 

“Pfft, you scared?” Lee asked. 

“No, I just mean, I don’t think-” 

“Robbie told us that you liked paranormal stuff,” Wendy said, cutting Pacifica off. She hooked a finger into Pacifica’s headband and pulled. “Shouldn’t this be the kind of thing you’re into?” she asked, letting go of the headband, causing it to snap a bit against Pacifica’s forehead. 

“Wendy, stop,” Robbie said. 

“Maybe this place actually is haunted,” Pacifica said. “And maybe you’re gonna get us all killed.” 

“Status update,” Tambry mumbled, typing on her phone. “In a convenience store with insane elementary schooler.” 

“I’m _not_ an elementary schooler!” Pacifica said, backing up a bit. “I just finished my freshman year! I’m a - whoa!” As she backed up, she tripped over Wendy’s outstretched leg, falling directly into one of the outlines. As she layed there, the tape glowed green and the electricity went out. 

Robbie, Wendy, Lee, and Nate looked around, nervous, until Tambry looked up from her phone. She started to glow and, with a surprised expression on her face, she disappeared into thin air, leaving her phone behind. Pacifica ran over to it, picking it up off the floor. As she read it, the other four gathered around her. 

“‘Status update: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!’” Pacifica read. Just then, the TV connected to the security camera turned on. 

The screen showed Tambry looking around frantically. She ran up to the screen, banging her fists against it. “AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!” 

“AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!” The other five screamed in terror. 

“Tambry!” Robbie called. 

“Can you hear us?” Pacifica yelled. 

Tambry looked around, but wether it was because she could hear them or because of something else was unclear. 

“I’m sorry for making fun of you, Pacifica! You were right!” Lee said. 

“What do we do now!?” Wendy asked. 

“We gotta get out of here!” Pacifica said. 

“But what about Tambry?” Nate asked. “We can’t just leave her there!” 

“We’ll come back for her, but for now, we have to get somewhere safe!” Pacifica explained. 

“She’s right, guys,” Robbie said. “What if what happened to Tambry happens to one of us? Staying here will only make things worse.” 

“Yeah, okay, you’re right,” Nate said, calming down a bit. 

“Thompson, let’s go, we gotta leave!” Robbie called out. 

Strangely, the _Dancy Pants Revolution_ machine hadn’t lost power along with everything else, and Thompson hadn’t noticed everything that was going on. “Just a minute! I’ve almost got the high score!” he yelled back, but as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he started to glow before disappearing, just like Tambry had. Everyone screamed. 

“Uh, what?” Thompson said. He had reappeared on the game’s screen. 

“It’s time to shake what your mama gave you!” the game said as arrows started to fall. 

“No!” Thompson said, trying to get away, but a bunch of arrows hit him anyway, sticking to his body. “So many arrows!” 

“You’re a dance machine!” the game said as more arrows fell on Thompson. 

“No, you’re a dance machine!” he cried. 

“Oh no!” 

“Thompson!” 

“C’mon, let’s go!” Wendy said, pointing towards the doors, but as she did, they shut. Robbie ran up to them, trying to open one. 

“Guys, it’s locked!” he said. 

“Outta my way!” Wendy yelled, and she threw the cash register at the doors. Before it could hit them, it vanished in a flash of green light. She cowered for a second, but when she didn’t disappear, she ran back over to the others. 

“Everybody, wait!” Pacifica said, taking the journal out of her jacket and flipping to the page on ghosts. “Whatever’s doing this must have a reason! If we can figure it out, maybe we’ll be able to leave!” 

“Are you sure?” Lee asked. 

“It makes sense!” Pacifica answered. 

“Yeah, cause _everything_ about this makes sense!” Lee said. He started to glow, floated in the air, then disappeared, all while he screamed. 

“W-what?” he said, reappearing on a box of cereal called “LEE’S”. 

The mascot on the front, a blue toucan with a spotted beak, poured some milk into the bowl Lee stood in. “I’m bonkers for eating you alive!” it exclaimed, readying it’s spoon. 

“No!” Lee said, screaming as Pacifica, Robbie, Wendy, and Nate cringed. 

“Lee!” Nate yelled. He backed up, taking his hat off and wiping his face. “Alright, Pacifica, whatever you think we should do, I’ll do it, no questions asked!” 

Behind Nate, Gideon’s body rose into the air. His eyes were all white, and he was glowing, but he didn’t disappear. His mouth started to move, but the voice that came out wasn’t his. 

“Weeeelcome...” 

The four remaining teenagers screamed. 

“They got Gideon!” Pacifica said. 

“Welcome to your graves, young trespassers,” the ghost possessing Gideon said. It gripped his gut, laughing. 

“We’re sorry for hanging out in your store!” Robbie said. 

“Please, just let us all leave, and we’ll never come back!” Pacifica said. 

The ghost was silent for a moment. “Well, okay, you’re free to go,” it said, and the doors opened. The ghost floated Gideon’s body over to the counter. “But before you leave, hot dogs are now half off. I know it might be crazy, but you gotta try these dogs!” 

Wendy and Nate ran towards the doors, screaming, only to slam into them as they closed. 

“Just kidding about the hot dog sale!” the ghost said. 

“Just let us out of here already!” Nate said as Wendy held him back from attacking Gideon’s body. 

“I don’t like your tone!” the ghost said, and Nate started to glow. 

“No, no!” he screamed as he started to float. He disappeared and, a second later, he reappeared on the hot dog stove. “Wha? No! I’M A HOT DOG!” 

“It begins,” the ghost said, and Gideon’s hat floated up off his head. Everything else that wasn’t attached to the floor, including Pacifica, Robbie, and Wendy, followed suit, slamming into the roof. 

“Welcome to your home for all eternity!” the ghost said, not even turning Gideon’s body to match the new gravity. 

“Paz, what do we do!?” Robbie asked, not noticing a shelf flying right at him. 

“DUCK!” Pacifica yelled, and they all got down. 

“Quick!” Wendy said, pointing at a tipped over soda machine. The cabinet on the bottom was open and empty. “In there!”

The three teens hurried into the small space, and Robbie closed the door. They panted. 

“What do they want from us!?” Robbie asked. 

“Revenge, I guess?” Pacifica suggested. 

“For what? And why only now?” Wendy asked. 

“I saw some freaky stuff earlier, but I think lying in one of the tape outlines is what let them interact with us directly. But... they didn’t attack all of us as soon as they could, either. There was a gap between when Tambry disappeared and when Thompson disappeared,” Pacifica said. 

“So what does that mean?” Wendy asked. 

“Well, it could mean that before now, they were only vaguely aware of their surroundings? And when they gained a more full awareness, they saw something that angered them,” Pacifica suggested. 

“But what?” Robbie wondered. 

“Think about what everyone was doing before disappearing,” Pacifica said. 

“Tambry was texting, Thompson refused to stop playing a video game until he got a high score, Lee said something sarcastic, and Nate... I’m not one hundred percent sure, but didn’t the ghost say something about disliking his ‘tone’ or some junk?” Robbie listed off, counting each person on his fingers. “Are any of those things really related? This doesn’t make any sense!” 

“I mean, what were they expecting?” Wendy asked. “We’re high schoolers!” 

“...Wait,” Pacifica said. “Say that last part again.” 

“We’re high schoolers?” Wendy repeated. 

“That’s it! Stay right here!” Pacifica said, kicking one of the doors open and crawling out. 

“Dude! What are you doing!” Robbie called, but Pacifica ignored him. Dodging everything that was flying around, she made her way towards Gideon’s body, still floating, but now upside down like everything else. She stood up. 

“Hey ghost!” she yelled, pointing at Gideon’s body. The ghost turned Gideon’s head around first, then the rest of his body. Pacifica started to glow. 

“I’ve got something to tell you!” Pacifica continued as she rose into the air. “I’m not a high schooler!” 

As soon as the words came out of her mouth, she, along with the objects floating around Gideon’s body, fell. Gideon’s eyes went back to normal, and the glow surrounding him disappeared. Two ghosts appeared, and to Pacifica’s surprise, they were just two old people. If you took away the floating and blue glow, they’d be indistinguishable from regular, living people. 

The one holding Gideon’s hair, an old man, laughed. “Well why didn’t you say so?” he asked, dropping Gideon into the pile of things below. “You aren’t a high schooler, you said?” 

“No, I...” Pacifica started, glancing back at Robbie and Wendy and sighing. “...just finished eighth grade. Technically not a high schooler...” 

“Oh, but that still makes you a teen, doesn’t it?” the other ghost, an old woman, asked, and Pacifica’s breath caught in her throat for a moment. She hadn’t considered that they might just hate teenagers in general. 

“Well, _they_ were high schoolers,” the first ghost, who wore a name tag that said “Pa”, said. 

“‘They’?” asked Pacifica. 

“Those _scourges_ on our store from back when we were alive!” the second ghost, whose name tag said “Ma”, exclaimed. 

“Always sassafrassin’ costumers with their boomy boxes and disrespectful short pants!” Pa said angrily. “So we decided to up and ban them!” he continued, thinking back. 

———

_Years ago, Ma and Pa stood in their store, Pa placing a sign that read “NO TEENS” in the window. Outside, three teenagers stared at them, unfazed._

“But they retaliated with this new fangled rap music!” 

_The elderly couple held each other as music came from outside._

“The lyrics, they were so, _hateful!_” 

_“Homework’s whack, and so are rules! Tuckin’ in your shirt’s for fools!” the rapper playing on the boombox says, and the three teens danced along. _

_“NOOOOOOO!” Pa screamed._

“It was so shocking we were stricken down with double heart attacks!” 

_Ma and Pa stared for a moment longer before the heart attacks happened, and then they fell to the floor, dead._

———

“That’s why we hate teenagers so much!” Ma said brightly. “Don’t we, honey?” She and Pa hugged, nuzzling their noses together.

“But, you trapped my friends! Isn’t there _anything_ I can do to convince you to free them and let us leave?” Pacifica pleaded.

“I don’t know... You _are_ a teen yourself, um... I’m sorry, what was your name?” Pa asked.

“Pacifica Southeast,” she answered, and the two ghosts gasped.

“You mean like Preston Southeast?” Ma asked hopefully, and now it was Pacifica’s turn to be surprised.

“You know my dad?” she asked.

“So long ago, back when we were alive, and he was even younger than you! He was always so polite!” Pa said.

“And he and his brothers would come to visit us after death, too! They were the only teenagers we didn’t hate!” Ma said. “The oldest, Tate, still comes around from time to time, but it’s been so long since we’ve seen Preston or Bud!”

“Bud? You mean Gideon’s dad?” Pacifica asked, looking over at her cousin. The ghosts gasped again and flew down to the boy.

“Oh, I cant believe Preston’s got a little girl and Bud’s got a little boy!” Pa exclaimed, looking back and forth between the two cousins.

“I love his hair!” Ma said, taking a strand between her fingers. “Is it naturally this color?”

“Uhhhhh...” Gideon said, still pretty dazed from everything that had happened to him in the last hour or so.

“So, um, does this mean you’ll free my friends?” Pacifica asked.

“For Preston’s daughter, of course we will!” Ma said. “But before you go, well... maybe there’s something you could do for us?”

“Um, yeah, okay, sure, what is it?” Pacifica asked. Pa’s next words were casual, but they threw the girl for the loop of the century.

“There was this song your father would sing, ever since he was little, and I was wondering if maybe you knew it? It was called the Nature Song.”

“Uh, yeah, I-I know it, but I, um need a costume to sing it. You know, a white dress, some sandals, a flower crown. Not the kind of stuff you’d find in here,” she said. Pa snapped his fingers, and Pacifica’s clothes changed to exactly what she’d just said she needed. “O-oh, um... okay...” She took a deep breath and started to sing.

“Between the tall trees, and the sprouting daisies, 

There’s a girl, alone in a clearing.

She’s looking for something she can’t seem to find, all alone. 

She starts to run out of hope.

But before her eyes, the grass starts to part, 

It’s forming a path, down which she starts.

The flora around her, it guides her along. 

The fauna joins in as the birds sing their song.

Animals guide her where grass isn’t able. 

It’s just like something right out of a fable.

She reaches a cave, inside it’s pitch black, 

But instantly she knows that it holds what she lacks.

She takes a step forward, but then turns and stares, 

At the plants and animals that had guided her there.

‘Thank you,’ she says. ‘For guiding me.’ 

‘I’ll come back victorious, just wait and see.’

When she exits the cave, no longer alone, 

Nature’s right there to guide her back home.”

The ghosts clapped as Pacifica panted a bit. That song had been longer than she remembered. 

“That was amazing!” Pa said. The doors opened, and Pacifica’s clothes went back to normal. 

“Come back sometime, sweetie!” Ma said. The two ghosts disappeared, and the store’s gravity went back to normal. 

All of the older teens crawled out of something and Gideon sat up, all of them groaning. Pacifica walked over to her cousin. 

“I’m never gonna eat or do anything ever again,” he said. 

“Oh, mood?” Pacifica said. She noticed something on the ground and picked it up. “Oh, hey, there’s still some left!” 

Gideon slapped it out of her hand. “Evil!” 

“What-what happened after everything went crazy?” Lee asked. He, Nate, Tambry, and Thompson were all sitting on the ground in a row, with Robbie and Wendy standing in front of them. 

“Well, um-” Robbie started, but Wendy put a hand on his shoulder, interrupting him. 

“I’m not sure where it is now, but when the ghosts appeared, Pacifica picked up a baseball bat and started beating up the ghosts, and they were all like ‘No, please stop!’, so she was like ‘Then let us all leave!’, and they were like ‘Okay, okay, we’ll let you leave, just stop!’, and then they made everything go back to normal and left!” Wendy said. 

The four teens, now standing up, cheered, and Lee and Nated high-fived. 

“Dr. Funtimes!” Nate cheered. 

Wendy turned her head and gave Pacifica a small nod and smile. She smiled and nodded back. 

——— 

Soon, everyone was back in the car asleep or almost asleep, except for Thompson, who still had to drive everyone home, and Pacifica and Robbie, who were standing right outside. 

“That was... something,” Robbie said. 

“Haha, yeah, it sure, uh, happened...” Pacifica said. 

“All things considered, though, I had a lot of fun,” Robbie said. “Maybe you can choose a venue next time, one that’s not haunted, preferably.” 

“‘Next time’?” Pacifica asked. 

“Next time we all hang out, obviously!” Robbie said. “Those guys already love you, I can tell.” 

“Oh, I, um,” Pacifica stuttered, blushing a bit. Robbie chuckled. 

“Come on, let’s get in the car,” he said. “I’m not sure how much longer Thompson’s gonna be able to stay awake, and I need to get home so I can collapse on my bed and sleep for a week.” 

They got in, and as Thompson drove off, Pacifica took one last look at the old convenience store and smiled. 

Gideon groaned, leaning in to read the words he’d written earlier. “What the shit...” he whispered. 

——— 

Back at the shack, Fidds was still watching TV. “Ah, the weddin’. I waited so long fer this. Look at ‘er in that dress!” On the TV, a door slammed open, and people gasped. “Count Lionel!? What’s he doin’ here!?” 

“I’ve come to reclaim my bride!” the man on the screen, Count Lionel, declared. 

“You had your chance at the cotillion, you!” Fidds said angrily. 

“You had your chance at the cotillion, you!” another man on screen said as the main character and her soon-to-be-wife held each other. 

“That’s what I’m sayin’!” Fidds said before he screamed and threw the TV out of the window, breaking it. He poked his head through, only to see his grandchildren staring at him in confusion. It was silent for a moment, then he spoke. 

“...Couldn’t find the remote.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Orrnv olnh wkh frxvlqv kdyh d qhz sdlu ri jkrvw judqgsduhqwv.


End file.
